SEXIS WRONG

very enjoyable process of sharing for most of the
couples that tried it.
Threesomes and Foursomes in Bed. Finally, the pet name
bestows an identity upon the genitals: They seem to have a
personality independent from the owner: 11
Pet names do add to the intimacy of the relationship.
It’s as if they take on personalities all their own.
~
Since then, Me Too [her husband’s penis] has his
own personality and really adds to our sexual
relationship with each other.
and at the same time diffuse his anxiety through humor. Lawrence’s
Mellors illustrates this:
The man looked down in silence at the tense
phallus, that did not change. – “Ay!” he said at
last, in a little voice, “Ay ma lad! tha’art thee right
enough. Yi, the mun rear they head! Theer on thy
own, eh? An’ ta’es no count o’ nob’dy! Tha ma’es
nowt o’ me, John Thomas. Art boss? Of me? Eh
well, tha’art more cocky than me, an’that says
less. John Thomas! Does want her? Dost want my
lady Jane?... Tell Lady Jane tha wants cunt, John
Thomas.... 16
Much popular writing about sex and psychology describes
the alienation and love/hate relationship men sometimes
have with their penises. A hard-on in the subway that won’t
go away. An erection that collapses despite a hot date. As
one men’s lib book puts it, “He curses his
penis for not performing, as he sweats and
strains and informs his partner that he really
wants to, even though something is wrong
with it.” 12 And a veteran of the gender wars
recapitulates a skirmish:
My penis: I don’t want to get turned on here. This
bed is not safe for me.
People talk like this in real life, too:
Little Willy—he talked about Little Willy as being
a separate entity totally. He was standing up at
“My penis is attracted to certain
types [of women], falls in love, but
these women and I never get along.”
attention wanting Little Joanie.... [T]he most
interesting thing [was that] he hated to have
anyone call him Willy. His name was Bill.... [But] so
far as his penis was concerned, he adored it.
My mind: Shut up! Perform! Don’t let me down!...
You’re humiliating me in front of Rosalie! 13
A Playboy journalist writing about the penis quotes a man she
interviewed:
“My penis is attracted to certain types [of women],
falls in love, but these women and I never get
along.” [This man] is annoyed by, but affectionate
towards his member, which he thinks is extremely
demanding. 14
Not that man vs. penis is new. As early as 426 CE, Saint Augustine
wrote:
[A man] could wish that, just as all his other
members obey his reason in the performance
of their appointed tasks, so that organs of
parenthood, too, might, too, function in obedience
to the orders of will and not be excited by the
ardors of lust.... [But] sometimes their lust is most
importunate when they least desire it; at other
times the feelings fail them when they crave them
most, their bodies remaining frigid when lust is
blazing in their souls. 15
A man having some of these feelings who gives a pet name
to his penis can thereby wash his hands of what “it” does
~
My guess is, I first heard this from my father—this
would have been around 1958 or ‘59,... after my
mother stopped coming to the cabin [a vacation
fishing cabin], and it was at a time when, as a
regular occurrence, he would drink approximately
a fifth of Governor’s Club a day. During the week
he wouldn’t drink at all,... but in the weekends,
he’d really lay into it. But this was up at the cabin...
probably on the Saturday night of opening day
[of trout season] I can remember vividly. He was
drunker than a warthog. He was railing and ranting
around...sing[ing] his songs, play[ing] his record
player. And I remember the song in particular that
he would play and still plays to this day, is “I Took
My Organ to the Party, but Nobody Asked Me to
Play.”
And having played this song over and over again
about 25 times, it came time when he had to
relieve himself...and I had to relieve myself at the
same time. I can remember being fairly sober at
the time—this is too vivid a memory for me to have
been too drunk. But we get out on the porch and
he’s saying, “Oh, what a wonderful time we’re
JOHN THOMAS, LADY JANE, AND LITTLE ELVIS 279