SEXIS WRONG

from men, the vast majority self-described as heterosexual
and married, and 44% reported shared jack-offs as adults. In
one informal adult group, “We all agreed that the experience
enhanced sex with our wives.”
It would be absolutely fascinating—and quite a challenge!—
to investigate how many “heterosexual” married men regularly
share masturbation with other men, and how many gay
men do so. Or, of the membership of the 40+ masturbation
clubs, how many identify as straight versus gay versus bi?
As Kinsey said, you do not know what your neighbors do,
and I might add, you do not know how your neighbors think.
A man once told me that he was a “heterosexual who likes
cocks,” and perhaps others would agree with
that description. There’s a word that might apply
here: heteroflexible. (Hey, guys, are your
wives reading this?)
Is group masturbation becoming more or less
common? Many of the boyhood circle-jerk stories
come from older men, and it may be that boys’ circles
were more common in the past. Although still taboo among
many people, masturbation has become more “normal” in
the last 30 years, so fewer boys might need peer permission
to indulge. Today, many young people learn about masturbation
and ejaculation/orgasms via parents, public schools,
and the media, so perhaps fewer are taught by friends. Further,
with greater public awareness about gays and lesbians,
more young people may shy away from activities that might
be construed as “homosexual.” Perhaps fewer children have
as much unstructured and unsupervised time to play together.
And it may be that earlier eras of same-gender boarding
schools fostered a collective intimacy that is less common
now.
rest by attending one of the parties. “It was like someone had
turned a light switch on.” After a wild stroke-off with several
of the men and an encounter with the hostess, the widow
“went home, built a privacy fence around her backyard, installed
a hot tub, and is dating a younger man.”
“Club Relate is a club for people that
enjoy and include masturbation in
their sex play and desire meeting
other people in a party setting for
group masturbation.”
Do people who have participated in group masturbation differ
from those who have not? One survey (Bell, Weinberg &
Hammersmith, Sexual Preference, 1981) found that people
who self-identified as gay or lesbian more commonly reported
childhood sex play with the same gender—such as
boys masturbating with other boys—than those identifying
as heterosexual. Yet because many people have not considered
their early experiences “homosexual” or even “sexual,”
surveys may not have picked up much same-gender shared
masturbation. And it may be that people who self-identify as
homosexual or bisexual remember such experiences more
often and more clearly than those who don’t.
Among adults, it does appear that group masturbation is
more popular among gay men than among lesbians or heterosexuals
of either gender. One reason: Gay male partnersex
carries risk of HIV. But more obviously, gay men find male
sexuality attractive, and what could show off male sexuality
more emphatically than a group of men ejaculating? People
who enjoy long periods of sexual activity and frequent orgasms
could also find group masturbation appealing—no risk
of tiring out a partner!
On the other hand, group masturbation among adults may
be increasing because of the desire for safe sex and the opportunity
to find companions through gay newspapers, smallcirculation
periodicals like Celebrate the Self and Jox, and
especially through the Internet. Also, participation in group
masturbation may increase because it’s much more acceptable
today—especially in youth culture—for both women
and men to be single, sexually active, and interested in doing
sexual stuff besides intercourse.
Group masturbation has unique appeal as a sexual opportunity
for people without partners. This can include people over
50, a demographic that is increasing. It may be no accident
that the coed Club Relate has thrived in Florida for nearly a
decade—Florida is a known locale for retirees. The club’s
website tells of a widow in her sixties who hadn’t had sex in
years and decided to put her late husband’s memory firmly to
But what do adults get out of group masturbation, anyway?
We can see how kids can end up in circle jerks by comparing
genitalia and teaching each other about sex. But why might
people of all ages be spontaneously interested? Of course,
we know that masturbation is safe sex; you don’t need a
partner to satisfy you—or to satisfy, and it’s a sure route to
orgasms. But simple exhibitionism is probably a major reason.
Victoria’s Secret stays in business because women like
to dress—and undress—sexy. Taking it further: Topless bars
and stripper joints stay in business not just because they attract
men as customers but also because women will show
off their bodies—for money and also for the delicious feeling
of power and sexual turn-on that can come from a whole
room of horny admirers.
For men, the turn-on seems to come partly from watching
the other guys ejaculate and identifying with them all. Males
THE CIRCLE GAME 97