SEXIS WRONG

tually fucking onboard would appear to be a Texan thing. In
August 2002, on a Texas flight, a man and woman wearing
sunglasses went into the lavatory together. Not at all suspicious,
right? The crew made a special announcement that
the seatbelt light was still on and all passengers should be
seated. When the couple still hadn’t come out seven minutes
later, the captain told a flight attendant to open the bathroom
door.
couple didn’t start their sexual activity until after
dessert was served, and not the whole trip, as it
said in her original narrative. This was about 4 hrs
from Manchester, England. The couple would not
stop their sexual activity after repeated requests
from the crew and the purser. The plts [pilots]
would not come out of the cockpit for fear of being
slugged.
Finally, as she was opening the door, they came out
of the bathroom. Still needing to know why the 2
of them were in the bathroom at an inappropriate
time during the flt, I asked the flt attendant if the
man appeared to be sexually aroused when he
came out of the bathroom. She replied that she
had noticed that he was.... The bottom line is: a
couple had sex in our bathroom... 9
Now we come to the Fanny Hill, the Tropic of Cancer, of FAA
reports. In this masterpiece—which is pretty explicit for a
government document—we find out what happened during a
night flight from Dallas-Fort Worth to Manchester in October
1999. This report can best be appreciated in its entirety:
Flt attendant #1 rpted [reported] pax in seat X had
taken her clothes off and she and pax in seat Y
were engaged in sexual activity.
I apched [approached] the pax and told
the man in seat Y that their behavior
was unacceptable and they must
refrain. I returned to the business class
galley and seat Z (lady) requested that we please
stop the couple from their sexual activity, as it
was causing her distress. I rpted the couple to the
purser and she spoke to couple also about their
sexual activity.
They did not stop and continued until breakfast svc
[service] was presented and light was emitted into
the cabin. Pax seat X put her clothes on just prior
to lighting in cabin. I observed pax seat X sitting
in seat in bra and panties. She was masturbating
in seat and pax seat Y was manipulating her
and putting his hands in her panties and on her
exposed breasts. They were kissing and writhing
in their seats.
Purser repeatedly asked seat X and Y to stop their
persistent sexual activity and they would not. She
told the crew security would meet the flt.
Callback conversation with rptr [reporter, i.e.,
the crew member who made the initial report]
revealed the following info: The rptr stated the
The woman took all her clothes off, except for her
bra and panties. She would not put her clothes
back on, when ordered to by the crew, and in fact,
became quite loud and profane when asked. She
slung her legs over the seat in front of her. She was
performing fellatio on the man and masturbating
both of them.
At one point, one of the complaining pax was a 65
yr old woman on her first flt, who asked if this was
a regular occurrence on flts!
The rptr strongly feels that alcohol was not a
factor, because they didn’t have that much to drink,
and they both got completely dressed for lndg
[landing], and she had replenished her makeup and
hair. The Manchester police arrested the woman
first, because she put up a loud and profane fight.
They then decided to arrest the man. 10
“She was performing fellatio on the
man and masturbating both of them.”
The Deleted 9/11 Sex Scene
Windows on the World by Frédéric Beigbeder is among the
first novels—if not the first novel—to deal with 9/11. Originally
published in Paris by Éditions Grasset & Fasquelle in 2003,
an English-language translation reached US shores in March
2005 thanks to Miramax Books. But some of it was left in
France. Specifically, Miramax eviscerated the sex scene between
two doomed yuppies on an upper floor of One World
Trade Center. Already treading on thin ice with a novel about
the attacks, they apparently decided that such blasphemy
would be too much for our delicate nature. And they were
probably right.
The two lovers are never identified by name. In the Englishlanguage
edition of the novel, we learn: “They both work for
Cantor Fitzgerald: a blonde who is sexy despite her Ralph
Lauren suit (do girls really dress like that anymore?) and a
stocky dark-haired man who seems cool in his Kenneth Cole
suit.” They’re never identified by name, always being referred
to as “the blonde in Ralph Lauren” and “the guy in Kenneth
Cole.” The handful of scenes featuring them are comprised
THE SEX LIT YOU PROBABLY HAVEN’T READ 265