SEXIS WRONG

sexuality in later years. Those who talk about sex risk the criticism
of those around them for going against societal norms.
Another cultural bias that limits elders’ sexual options is our
idea that sex equals intercourse, that only intercourse really
counts as sex. Far too many men and women are still constrained
by that idea. If their bodies no longer cooperate in
producing the physiological changes required for penis-in-vagina
intercourse, they decide that all sexual activity should
cease.
remain, pardon the expression, fuckable.
In fact, many of my contributors are “doing it” more, doing
different things, and en joying it all more—in some cases a
great deal more—than they did in their younger years.
I’m also eager that those of us in our twenties, thirties, and
forties, whose experience of elderhood is still a few decades
away, become more accepting of the sexuality of our parents’
generation. In particular I’d love to see a greater openness on
the part of younger people toward the sexuality of their own
parents, grandparents, and other older family members.
Happily, Still Doing It is still in print and readily available. What
are my ambitions for it as it nears the decade mark?
“Sex is the real reason I jog, work
out, gulp down vitamins; all this I do
to remain, pardon the expression,
fuckable.”
I don’t expect the stories in Still Doing It to convince huge
numbers of older readers who are not cur rently sexually active
to suddenly get busy in the bedroom, especially if they
have not masturbated or had partner-sex for many years—
though I would be delighted if they did! Rather, I’m hoping
that the book and its honest experiences help oldsters who
are still sexually active to realize that they are far from alone
and that their peers engage in as great a range of sexual practices
as their younger counterparts. Here’s a sampling:
At 70, I’m slowing down to a sprint. I need new
glasses (the better to see you with, my dear) and
I have more wrinkles, but I have never given up
masturbating and fantasizing.
~
She lowered herself and began a gentle, rhythmic
thrusting, eyes locked with mine. We shared two
bodies, one pleasure, one sure chord between us.
~
We get together about once a month with our two
favorite couples, who are both in their fifties. [That
from a couple in their seventies.]
~
She has no problem using a dildo/harness [on
me]…and she likes me best on my back.
~
This is the best I have ever felt about my sexuality.
I no longer fear that people will find out I like being
submissive to women.
~
Sex is heaven on Earth, God’s reward for the
difficult things in our lives. Sex is the real reason I
jog, work out, gulp down vitamins; all this I do to
Almost no one can imagine his or her parents being sexual at
any age, but it is important that younger adults respect their
parents’ desire for privacy, excitement about
a new boyfriend or girlfriend, or decision to
remarry or to live with a lover. Older parents
don’t want their adult kids meddling in their
love lives any more than teenagers want their
parents interfering in theirs.
Most of all, I hope Still Doing It continues to encourage
people in their forties and fifties who may be acutely sensitive
to diminishing sexual interest. This group includes those
separated or divorced after sometimes lengthy marriages or
relationships, those whose sexual problems have been getting
worse so gradually they didn’t realize it was happening,
men who used to be able to take an occasional erectile failure
in stride but can no longer do so, women whose desire and
sexual interest haven’t returned as they had hoped after their
children grew up, and those so stressed by busy careers and
lives that sex has all but disappeared from their daily lives. I
also hope my book still speaks to middle-aged readers who
see their current sex lives as happy, to assure them that
things don’t inevitably get worse with age—and that, indeed,
sex may get a whole lot better.
In the original call for submissions for Still Doing It, I told potential
contributors that they might wish to write about how
they had overcome obstacles to fully enjoying their sexuality.
Several of the men wrote about specific physical limitations,
medical problems, and erection failures. Both men and women
wrote in some of these stories about overcoming years
of loveless and/or sexless marriages or involuntary celibacy.
But mostly their stories describe what does work, not what
doesn’t, even in the most unusual circumstances—as in this
delightful passage from an author who was hospitalized:
With soft sounds he licks and sucks my nipple,
drawing the flesh around it up so deftly that I
become young and ageless. Sighing, I arch my back
and press all of me against him. Just as Peter’s
54 EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG