SEXIS WRONG

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Tell me why this is the best new masturbator on the
market.
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No “deep doggie dump-humping.”
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No comma after strap-ons.
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Is this vibe really shaped like a gerbil? Who made this?
Please see me.
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What are “these little pussies” so hungry for?
75 WORDS OR LESS, LIBBY.
A vibe CANNOT be shaped exactly like a G-spot.
Yes, it can. That’s why we made it.
No one knows what a G-spot is shaped like!
Yes, we do. It was in development for three years.
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Why did we develop this vibrator? Whose idea was
this?
IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
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Don’t say “mouth hole.”
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Tell me my boobs and ass will look great!
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Is she the Perfect Woman or the Ultimate Sex Machine?
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DO NOT SAY, “This nurse knows a spoonful of semen
helps the meaty shaft go down”!!!
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Use “cock” instead of “man meat.”
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She is NOT cheap & EASY.
Yes, she is. She’s a love doll.
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Do we want to talk about church-going girls?
Catholic schoolgirls are fine. But don’t mention anything
about a church or a priest or a father.
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$5.49 is too cheap for a vagina.
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I think this is misleading; they’re not “real” lesbians.
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I’d rather not say “beaver.”
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Can we get extra stimulation in the headline?
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Since this Spanish fly doesn’t actually work, don’t emphasize
the “aphrodisiac” qualities.
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Pussy cleavage is GREAT!!!
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No beautiful blowjobs, please.
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Do customers know what a box is?
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They’re not real hookers, but hookers are the theme of
this video.
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No one cares if the cyberskin cock has a pleasant
smell.
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You say “ass” too many times here. Try tush or buns or
butt. Too much ass.
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Again, too much ass. Please use a thesaurus. We can’t
have ass everywhere.
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Your first sentence says that this will fit fat women very
nicely.
Maybe we should address bigger gals as “voluptuous”?
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Good couplet! Nice alliteration! Flows off one’s
tongue.
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Do you realize you have six headlines here? Customers
don’t read the copy, so please choose one and stick
to it.
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Don’t say it makes your dick hard. Some people who
buy it won’t even have a dick.
And, as always, my favorite:
Libby, we need to discuss your continual use of
the words fuck, shit, bitch, cunt, whore, slut, man
meat, mouth hole, and asshole.
—
6:00 – 6:45 p m : Watch four porn videos crammed with
young girls whose fake tits make your gut cringe. Feel
sympathy for these women as you note the scar tissue
and asymmetrical placement of each implant. Feel empathy
as you consider the similarities you share.
When I was eighteen, I was very angry at everything. I made
sure everyone knew how pissed I was by marking up my body
THE DAILY SCHEDULE OF A PORNO COPYWRITER 183