SEXIS WRONG

have a natural refractory period and can’t have (potentially)
unlimited orgasms the way women can. Some younger men
can come repeatedly, but as a man gets older, he can’t come
as often. Yet in a group, a man of any age can come vicariously
over and over and over…. His ejaculations multiply, cascade—one
ejaculation mirrored into a gusher, a fountain, a
torrent, a joyous, rushing tide of semen. Both gay and straight
sex videos feature external “cum shots,” partly to prove the
sex is real but also as a source of vicarious jollies. Hence, the
popularity of “cum shot” compilations and bukkake porn, in
which many men come on camera, masturbating onto the
face or body of a woman or another man. Porn performer
Jerry Butler wrote about how cum shots have become more
elaborate in recent decades, with special effects used to
For men, the turn-on seems to
come partly from watching the
other guys ejaculate and identifying
with them all.
make ejaculations seem more copious and longer-lasting.
Ejaculation equals sexual pleasure, a male symbol reaching
across years and sexual orientations.
One sexologist told me that men want to have a sense of
closure and finality about sex. Watching ejaculations provides
this. (She also told me that many men like videos showing
“squirters”—women ejaculating—for the same reason.) So,
many men who consider themselves heterosexual might
(heteroflexibly?) enjoy watching other men’s ejaculations and
even participating in shared JO because they feel their own
sexual pleasure magnified vicariously in the other men and
because they get that sense of closure.
Conclusion
I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good as
belongs to you.
—Whitman, “Song of Myself,” 1856
Oxymoron or not, group masturbation, or “social masturbation,”
is apparently becoming an emerging cultural phenomenon.
Participants and reporters describe same-gender and
mixed-gender adult masturbation groups as wonderful opportunities
for sexual exhibitionism, voyeurism, experimentation,
and variety in congenial settings, all without risk of disease,
pregnancy, expectations for commitment, or need to cater to
a partner. One gay man wrote: “I’ve had a lover for almost ten
years. He’s 30, still as sexy as when he was 20, and we’re
compatible and monogamous except for participation in our
J/O club” (Califia, The Sexpert, 1991). It seems likely that
organized JO and possibly JJO groups will grow in number
and visibility in coming years, and that small, private circles
will proliferate even more widely.
I did finish writing The Big Book of Masturbation. It became
a big book partly because I came across group masturbation—and
many other fascinating facts and phenomena. Like
the Catholic theologian who gave married women explicit
permission in 1748 to masturbate after sex with their husbands
if they hadn’t come yet. A quotation from the Dalai
Lama giving the green light to solo sex for anyone not under
religious vow. A vigorous debate across several Islamic websites
as to whether and under what circumstances masturbation
might be wajib (obligatory), halal (permitted), makruh
(discouraged), or haram (absolutely forbidden).
The shooting script for “The Contest”
episode of Seinfeld from 1992. Thousands of
creative and delightful slang terms in a dozen
languages. A poem about dildos from 1700.
State laws about sex toys.
People interested in evolutionary conundrums have asked,
Why do people masturbate? It doesn’t seem to increase survival,
fitness, or number of offspring. In one evolution listserv
discussion, the general consensus was that people masturbate—like
that joke about dogs licking their balls—because
they can. And if masturbation doesn’t contribute much to fitness
or survival or progeny, it doesn’t detract much, either.
Nearly everybody who masturbates, alone or not, also has
some kind of sex with a partner and enjoys both. Recent research
suggests that people who masturbate more may tend
to have more partner sex, and more different kinds of sex.
Interest in masturbation apparently relates on the average to
greater personal sexiness, not less.
Is group masturbation really so weird? After all, millions of
people share masturbation by phone sex or cybersex. The
phone-sex industry took in up to $1 billion per year by the
late 1990s. As for cybersex, it’s been reported that 17 million
users surfed adult entertainment sites in one month of
2000—and I think we can assume that many of these people
were typing one-handed while cybering with playpals. It may
become less of a step from virtual playpals to in-the-flesh
playpals when the sex is (just) masturbation—completely
safe, with no romantic obligations.
So why do people masturbate in groups? Because people
somewhere, sometime, do just about anything in groups, including
just about any kind of sex—partly just to do it, partly
to show off, and partly to watch.
And because they can.
98 EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG