SEXIS WRONG

shattering explosion at the same time I—no longer
any “I” there—will have completely merged into
the fires of God like a planet plunging into the
furnace of the Sun. It’s every possible good feeling,
and it lasts just a second, but there’s no sense
of time. There is Joy flooding everywhere, light
everywhere, and then wave after wave of slowly
subsiding rapture.
Orgasm is the moment of supreme pleasure and
regret all in one because the moment you come,
you know it’s going to end. It’s like suffering is
built into any pleasure, and as soon as you have
the consummation, you begin to feel the regret
because you know this is the beginning of the end.
You’re going to have to leave God’s bosom. It’s
a real wrenching, moving away, knowing you’re
coming back to the world, coming back to your
body, coming back to look at her. I still feel like I’m
part way in that state, but I know I’m coming back
from it….
When I can open my eyes and look at my lover
again, she is still holy to me, and I know we have
experienced this divinity and ours—together. I
become more focused on her again and lose the
focus on me, the way it was before…. But now
I know we are two again and back to living in
our separate bodies, which for a time had been
discarded like pieces of scaffolding that had
served their purpose and then been completely
transcended. In that moment, there is an unbearable
ache that arises in the heart.
In addition to suffusing love relationships (where they exist—many
people had these transcendent experiences during
one-night stands, casual affairs, or even with people they
didn’t like) with a sense of deeper connection, transcendent
sexual episodes had other profound effects on people. Former
atheists and agnostics became spiritual seekers; people
developed more loving relationships, not only with their
partners, but with others; still others determined to change
dysfunctional life patterns and let go of self-limiting beliefs.
Remarkably, a number of participants who had suffered childhood
sexual abuse became able to remain present and enjoy
sex, even becoming orgasmic. Their own words are convincing
of how powerful such experiences are and how transformative
they can be.
For instance, “Richard” says:
Having been a Catholic seminarian, sex was very
taboo, and I’d grown up in a home with parents
who were forbidding and repressed. These
experiences have really helped me rehabilitate sex
from this cesspool of moral judgment. I realized
for the first time that sex really could be a vehicle
for transcendence. That seemed to be the whole
point of my experience. It’s really deepened [my
relationship]. The problems don’t matter, because
all that matters is our closeness. It has that feeling
of a Spirit-guided state, where the point of power
is in the present. It’s a physical manifestation of
my spiritual practice, and I see it as one of the
highest forms.
A woman, speaking for many, mentions how much easier it
is for her to act with compassion: “It transformed my life, my
outlook. I have these feelings for my partner now, seeing the
hairs in his ears or something that would maybe be ugly or
whatever, and I just feel so good for him. It’s wonderful. And
it translates to other people. It does translate.”
Elaine, a woman who lives in a spiritual community and has
been a practicing Buddhist for decades, says of her sexual
spiritual openings:
I suppose when I describe it, it will sound like a
form of psychosis…. Of course, you know this is
not a psychotic experience by its results. Once
time is no longer still…and normal life resumes,
you are changed, but in a good way. Your other
relationships are enhanced by the experience also
because you have changed. Somehow a string
of that love experience is woven throughout
your other relationships, career, etc. [You gain]
tolerance for others who are not so knowing…and
a great compassion for them, as well as others….
The impact of such an experience is immense.
But the variety of experiences people can have is vast, and
their background, psychological maturity, and beliefs, as well
as the circumstances under which transcendent sex occurs,
are infinite. Anything can happen—and whatever happens
can have unpredictable results, depending upon the participants.
One woman probably summed up the myriad possibilities
best by saying:
A low form of sex makes for a low form of spirituality,
and a low form of spirituality may make for a low
form of sex. The quality of the sexual experience
relates to the capacity of the individual to hold
it in a spiritual place. Spiritual sexuality is a very
precious thing…. That doesn’t mean that it’s going
to make life easy; it will make it rich.
TRANSCENDENT SEX 17