SEXIS WRONG

My last shreds of irony ebbed. I didn’t want to explain to
him that genital-spitting was a common porn practice, but
it wasn’t common to the rest of the world—who were the
ones who would be watching the show. Most people don’t
hawk loogies on each other’s genitals unless their sex play is
pretty evolved, and then usually for different reasons. “Just
lick, okay?”
Porn, as our most vital vehicle of sex
ed, has become the most viral form
of sexual disinformation.
Eventually, we were way over the rental time on the mansion,
and still no erection, despite the brutal beating surfer
boy’s cock and balls had sustained and the fervent cocksucking
the blonde was administering in the adjacent bathroom.
Finally the blonde had had enough fluffing, which,
she reminded us several times, she was doing for free. She
clop-clopped into the room naked, save for her Lucite stripper
heels. Everyone tried to look busy with something, and
I busied myself attempting to suction a dildo demo model
onto the hardwood floor next to my chair. She announced,
“We need a hard dick.”
She surveyed the room; each of the men seemed to be visibly
concentrating on what he was doing. But she had my full
attention. She turned around to the cameraman busily changing
tape on the gaudy faux-finish fireplace in the corner of the
room. “What about you?” He focused on the task at hand
while trying to shrink into the hearth. Naked, hands on hips,
she cornered him. “I’ll suck your cock. Then we’ll have a hard
dick.” The cameraman declined without looking up from the
task at hand. “What the fuck?” she asked the room, in which
I was the only other female. But she didn’t see me. I was
invisible, while she was the elephant in the room.
The production assistant dragged a heavy light
out of the room by himself, down the hall and
out of sight. With one man left, she asked the
director, “How about you? I’ll suck your dick
and make it nice and hard.”
“Uh, no, that’s okay.”
“What the fuck!?” she yelled at all of us. “Am I not pretty
enough?”
I escaped when they ordered the Viagra.
152 EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG