SEXIS WRONG

Penis
Dickie
The Great Waldo Pecker
My Favourite Member
Putz
Vulva
Coozie
~
He had a large penis, with big veins sticking out all
over it. And I guess I was playing with it. And for
some reason, he made some kind of disparaging
remark about it—the veins, somehow. And I said,
“I don’t know—I think it’s really neat. It looks
like a gnarled tree trunk.” He was really taken by
that. And he adopted it as a pet name and even
shortened it to GTT. He’d say, “Old GTT here...”
Honeypot
Mama’s Box
Miss Muff
Testicles
Ping and Pong (“balls”)
I collected about twice as many
penis names as vulva names.
In those conversations at parties, I was sometimes asked
what the most common names are. Actually, I found few repeats.
Only George and Virginia turned up as many as four
times each; Fred, Hank, Herbie, John Thomas, Peter, Winston,
and Henrietta all appeared twice. There’s a reason for
this that I’ll get to shortly.
Yet names could appear independently of any bed
partner:
I remember I was in high school—I was on the
football team, and one of the guys started naming
everybody’s male genitals as different dog names.
And the reason I remember it is that one guy
wasn’t maturing as rapidly as the rest
of them—he was a Mexican Hairless.
I collected about twice as many penis names
as vulva names. But a good many came in pairs, two per
couple:
Penis/Vagina
Alice/Wonderland
Baby/Home (“Does Baby want to go Home?”)
Butch/Little Place
Who and How?
Who names genitals? Certainly not everybody, or I wouldn’t
have sat up at attention when I heard Henrietta. On the basis
of no hard data whatsoever, I estimate that 5-10% of the population
(maybe more) has either used a pet name or knows
about somebody who has. Both men and women name genitals—not
necessarily their own—and apparently most often
when they are young and in an early or new sexual relationship.
Here’s how they talked about “the christening”:
A quiz show was on the TV, and a couple had just
been asked to name the dullest person they know.
They replied, “Wilbur,” and my husband promptly
referred to his penis as Wilbur.... He’s not always
dull!
~
We were lying in bed and having fun, and the
conversation had come up somehow to whether
or not my penis was named, or her genitals were
named, and she volunteered the name Mortimer.
And I thought, “All right.” And as quickly as I could,
I volunteered a name for her, Eunice. So that just
sort of became the pattern.
Calvin/Fur
Darkness/Sunset
Fred /Harriet
George/Miranda
George/Harriet
The Great Waldo Pecker/Fancy
Gruesome/Twosome
Little Willy/Little Joanie
Mortimer/Eunice
My Favourite Member/Hot and Juicy
Peanut Butter/Jelly
Pedro/Virginia
Snuffy/Katie Cooter
Thurston/Sylvia
Wilbur/Willeen
My favorite names were those supplied anonymously by a
276 EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG