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SEXIS WRONG

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Juan is a guy in his late twenties. We met, as I often meet<br />

play partners, over the Internet. The first time he showed up<br />

at my door, I was more than a little dazzled by his good looks,<br />

trimly buffed body, and stunning smile. And by how much he<br />

liked to get fucked.<br />

Though he’s a busy guy, today he’s made some time to come<br />

over after work.<br />

“Hi, papi,” he says when he walks in. His smile’s even more<br />

amazing than I remember. “It’s good to see you.”<br />

It’s good to see him, too. It’s good to look down and see<br />

him sucking my cock. It’s good to pry apart his asscheeks<br />

and taste his hole. (And Juan has a very, very pretty hole.<br />

Remember, I’m a connoisseur.)<br />

And, most of all, it’s good to have my “son” Juan ride my<br />

dick. I do enjoy being on top, but as I suggested to Daniel, I<br />

also love to lie back and feel a guy ease down on my hard-on,<br />

and that’s just what Juan does. I look up into his dark eyes as<br />

I feel his sphincter relax, his delectable ass open up for me.<br />

“Ay, papi,” he gasps. “It’s so big.” (I’m not boasting here,<br />

only reporting.)<br />

We shift positions so I’m hitting his prostate, over and over<br />

and over again.<br />

And it’s Easter all over again.<br />

So is the rectum a grave?<br />

I remember the first time I fucked ass. It was with my first<br />

boyfriend, my first, tritely tragic love. I’d read<br />

an erotic novel, a rather good one as it happened,<br />

that explained how anal sex was the<br />

ultimate joining, a momentous pledging of devotion.<br />

So when I tried to jam my dick into Jim’s unready ass, when<br />

things collapsed into tears, neuroses, apologies, it all seemed<br />

so damn fraught. We broke up soon after, him leaving me to<br />

get married; I’m assuming his wife never did him with a dildo.<br />

But who knows?<br />

I do not, oddly, recall the first time I got fucked. I do remember<br />

this cute, curly-haired insurance salesman who used to<br />

come over to my place in the Haight, many years ago, and<br />

pound my ass till I was ready to beg him to stop (though I’m<br />

hoping I never actually begged him).<br />

Back then, I used to think I was doing a top a Real Big Favor if<br />

I let him use my ass. What can I say? I was young and foolish.<br />

I think I’ve learned a lot about sex since then. Buttfucking in<br />

theory and practice.<br />

Well, yes. Insofar as the body itself is a grave. Insofar as all<br />

our pleasures are mortal. Insofar as the corpses we sleep<br />

If the ass is a tomb, it’s like the one<br />

Jesus allegedly was left in.<br />

with are, ultimately, ourselves. And, yes, insofar, as the Buddha<br />

said, as our pleasures are what bind us to these pieces of<br />

walking meat we call “I.”<br />

But, at the risk of, oh, a thousand more incarnations or so, I<br />

find myself unable to stay away from the amazing beauty, the<br />

life force, of a good fuck. Hell, I’m not even trying very hard.<br />

Because if the ass is a tomb, it’s like the one Jesus allegedly<br />

was left in: It may seem like a dead end, but it’s a portal<br />

to transcendence, too. And if that transcendence is fleeting,<br />

equivocal, even stupid, well….<br />

Nothing says “trapped in a body” quite like anal sex does.<br />

And nothing else better says, “What the hell?”<br />

The transformational powers of anal sex are immense. What<br />

had been a functional aperture becomes a site of pleasure,<br />

replete with multiple meanings. It’s positively alchemical.<br />

Dross into gold. Asshole into pussy. Shit into glory. Magic,<br />

pure magic. And beauty. Beauty, beauty, beauty.<br />

HOORAY FOR SODOMY 299

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