SEXIS WRONG

changed nervous glances. I told the room, no we don’t need a
hard cock yet, it’s okay. I proceeded with my anatomy lesson,
continually telling him to stop touching, to move his hands
away. Between takes he said to me in a wide-eyed whisper,
“It won’t get hard!” The blonde giggled and assured him, “I’ll
help you….”
We changed scene and moved onto the bed to film a series
of techniques from my books. My role was to explain each
technique to the camera, then off-camera I’d tell the performers
what to do, and the couple would demonstrate. Between
takes, I was marooned on the bed with the performers, where
they’d chat with me while lights were adjusted and the crew
assisted the director and cameraman.
The blonde’s voice was high and whispery, like pink cotton
filigree full of air. She told me, “He’s leaving her for me!” her
eyes shining. She also told me about the toilet paper stuffed
in her vagina. Every once in a while, the performers asked if
they needed to keep pretending they were a couple. I asked
them how work was going during the moratorium. They both
bragged about how they’d never had so much work in their
lives and were making a lot of money.
“Everyone’s really busy, and a lot of companies are filming
more to fill in the gaps,” they assured me.
I said, trying to be cool, “So, is everyone just
using condoms or something?”
They looked at me with puzzled faces, as if I
were a foreign exchange student, and told me,
“No.”
The male performer could not get an erection. The techniques
were mostly foreplay-oriented, yet the afternoon
dragged on. The female performer grew bored. “This softcore
shit is boring,” she told us, her captive audience, with a
smile. “I want to really fuck now!” Her impatience grew, and
she was speaking to the whole crew, not just me anymore.
“I did this awesome scene yesterday—it was so hot. The
guy in the scene fucked this girl in the ass, then he held her
over my face and dripped the cum into my mouth so I could
drink it. I loved it!” She smiled at me, apparently my cue to
say, “Wow, that’s so awesome,” as if she weren’t making
gruesome boasts about felching. She simply didn’t know that
her standards of awesome experiences, like her sexual practices,
were devoid of anything one might consider polite conversation
among strangers. Silence descended on the room,
but the male performer picked up the conversational thread.
“Who was shooting it?” he asked, smacking his dick.
admittedly it might be latte seasoned with hepatitis, herpes,
HPV, and a bacterial infection. No, no chocolate sprinkles for
me. The list of unsafe (and for many people, distasteful) practices
common in porn is lengthy and ever changing. Besides
the incredibly trendy ass-to-mouth fetish, there’s bottle-fucking,
bile-drooling, throat-gagging to the point of vomiting, eye
and nasal ejaculation, anal-to-vaginal penetration, anal penetration
without lubricant, multiple male “cream pies” (internal
ejaculation), and, of course, good ol’ sex with multiple
strangers without condoms.
The blonde was just like the rest of the world in that she’d
never learned about any kind of sex except through reproductive
information; those of us lucky enough to get sex ed in
school don’t ever see real, non-drawn genitals until we find
our stepdad’s Playboys or Playgirls. Our first glimpses of porn
are filled with wonder, horror, curiosity, dread. Sometimes
arousal. Like the blonde, everyone’s real sexual education
comes from a combination of our own scary and exciting experiences,
and porn.
It wasn’t difficult to imagine the blonde as a vessel for anatomy
instruction for her thousands of wanking viewers, but it
was chilling to think that people were getting sex ed from her
movies. In fact, certain kinds of brutal sex—what I call “fear
I knew that for porn performers,
sucking things out of a stranger’s
asshole was as everyday as slurping
froth off a latte.
factor sex”—have become so trendy (hence, popular, widespread)
among industry insiders that they have become standard
sexual practices in porn, giving the porn community the
misguided impression that specialized brutality is the norm
in bedrooms across America. Porn, as our most vital vehicle
of sex ed, has become the most viral form of sexual disinformation.
If you used porn as a guide to real sex, you’d think
that young women like having their anuses held open and spit
into, that girls have earth-shattering sexual experiences when
you choke them and slap their tits, and that large objects can
easily be shoved in virgin assholes sans lube.
The director asked everyone to get back to work, opting to
film a few more cunnilingus scenes. “Okay,” I commanded
the male performer, with no small amount of internal giggling:
“Lick!” He took this as his cue to loudly spit on her vulva. The
crew and I groaned, the director yelled, “Cut!”
I said, “Uh, no, don’t do that, please.”
Unlike the rest of the non-porn people in the room, I knew
that for porn performers, sucking things out of a stranger’s
asshole was as everyday as slurping froth off a latte. Though
“I thought you told me to spit.”
“No. I told you to lick her.”
AMERICAN SEX ED 151