SEXIS WRONG

Bill: How sweet.
Clive: Yeah, y’know, I was, like, fourteen, shivering for fear of
being caught, and also because it was so cold in England
at night. And one night, I just—it was a very weird time;
I felt really, kind of, bad and sick, and twisted, and “this
is wrong,” but still, I wanted to do it. I thought that these
creatures were so beautiful, and that I was so really ugly,
really somehow kind of stumped and ugly. Something in
me just sort of—I took all my clothes off in the middle
of the field. It was almost a full moon, and it was really
well lit, and I could see almost every hair on the backs of
these horses, and there was a herd of about five or six of
them. And they were kind of interested in what I was doing—like,
“What’s going on?” They stood around me—
I just put my arms around her neck,
and I started kissing her, and
I started moving my hands over
her body.
Bill: Wow!
Clive: Yeah. I mean, it’s one of those formative spiritual moments
for me. And I just held onto a particularly beautiful
horse—a black-and-white, dappled horse, a mare—and
I just put my arms around her neck, and I started kissing
her, and I started moving my hands over her body. She
moved her rear towards me, and I started eating her out.
All the other horses were going, “Wow! What’s going
on here?”
Bill: “They don’t usually do that to us!” [Laughter.]
Clive: Yeah, yeah! [Pauses.] Well, maybe they do! Who
knows? I was almost shivering with cold, and also with
fear, but they kind of stood around me, and when you’re
inside a circle of horses, you’re really warm. So that was
really the first event. Very, very special.
Bill: Did you, like, kiss her on the mouth, with your mouth
open? You said you kissed.
Clive: Yeah. She would, like, sniff me over. In fact, in terms
of equine socializing, one of the things I learned pretty
early on is that horses snort down the noses of each
other, and if you’re going to start really wanting to communicate
with animals in that respect, you have to learn
to talk on their level. So I saw that they were pretty much
interested in getting involved with me—well, I needed to
learn their language. So I sort of learned to [snorts] down
their noses.
Bill: Wow. And they liked that?
Clive: Oh, yeah, they love it. I’ve seen some people do it, and
they get freaked out, so perhaps they can sense something
else—I’ve been very successful.
Bill: Sounds like you were a natural! [Laughter.]
Clive: Well, I think maybe. I mean, there are people—I’ve
talked about this with other people. “Is it a kink, or is
it a sexual identity?” And it’s really difficult to work out
which it is. For me, I believe it’s an identity. I do identify
first and foremost as someone who loves animals. Everything
else is secondary. People come a close second,
though! I mean, they really do.
Bill: There’s something that I’ve always thought was really
attractive about animals having sex—just the pureness of it,
stripped of the human interaction of, “Oooh,
baby, baby,” and all those kinds of trappings,
which I think is refreshing.
Clive: But there’s nothing quite as hot and raunchy
as seeing a stallion with this enormous
cock mounting a mare—I mean, oh, my God,
I’ve sometimes come just looking at two horses fucking,
and it really is just so—I don’t think I’ve seen people that
raunchy. Not yet, anyway.
Bill: Wow.
Clive: I had an experience one summer when I was in the
same field, actually, and it was actually in the daytime,
during the summer holidays. And you know what it’s
like—you’re fifteen, you’re bored—
Bill: You stick your dick in a vacuum cleaner! [Both laugh.]
Clive: I mean, it was like, “Get out of the house.” And I just
got the pleasures of being out in the open. But there was
an added component, because in the day, it was summer,
and it was sweaty, and there were all kinds of—you
know, there was mud getting in your feet and stuff, and
there’s a very different quality to having sex with a horse
in the daytime. They’re actually a lot muskier-smelling,
and they’re much stronger-tasting or -smelling, or whatever.
It’s probably the heat and the sweat and everything.
That’s kind of a turn-on.
Bill: So are you mainly interested in horses, or do you play
with other animals?
Clive: Oh, no. I play with horses and dogs. There was a period
of time, when I hadn’t been with animals for, like, oh,
four years, and I’d started looking at cows and going,
“Hmm! Maybe cows—.” [Laughter.] But I had a really
aborted attempt at that, and they would come look at
136 EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG