SEXIS WRONG

pad was blank. This shit goes on all over. The boss and his
secretary—it’s so common it’s become a joke.
Do you recognize any characteristics common to those
who dance? ~ A lot of the women are very bright and very
rebellious. They tend to be artists, musi cians, actresses, or
just oddball people who have no desire to fit into the mainstream.
The other type of women I’ve found tend to be not
particularly bright. They tend to be drug addicts and people
who don’t want to work for a living. And for some reason they
don’t want to get into a committed relationship.
Dancers talk about how much they’re
in love with each other and how they
want to fuck each other.
Have you lost self-esteem due to dancing? ~ No, I have
absolutely gained it. I feel like I’m being myself now. Before,
I had this terrible feeling that I was an imposter, a fake, that
I was acting out this part, a recovered incest victim who is
striving to make a better life. That I will have a monogamous,
good relation ship, children, a marriage, and a house in the
suburbs and all that shit. It’s some thing I never really wanted.
I guess I felt like I had to prove that my family situ ation did
not, in fact, destroy me, that I could be normal, that I could be
like everyone else. [Laughs.] But I don’t want to be like anyone
else. I think every one else is kind of boring, I mean those
normal types out there. I love eccentric people because I am
eccentric. I’m feeling more and more free to be who I am. I’d
say that dancing has really liberated me.
What do you consider to be the failures of the women’s
movement in the United States? ~ They’ve had a very rigid
definition of what is okay for women to be. Exactly as males
have had for centuries. They have taken a few traits and said,
these are okay, but the rest are not. They have ignored those
spe cial concerns of women of color. They have ignored all
kinds of cultural and religious concerns. They have ostracized
women in the sex industry. They decided that they were going
to save us without ever asking us whether we wanted to
be saved. They have really trashed homemakers and people
who want to stay home and bear children. They’ve alienated
them and other large, important groups of women. They have
adopted pretty much a male, patriarchal view of what is okay.
They are very concerned with education and upper-mid dleclass,
white, male values being transferred.
Jackie
What sexual depictions do you perform? ~ There are
times when I feel like I’m actually making love with a customer.
That’s particularly when we’re both turned on and masturbating.
I learned a great technique from this really hot little
number who breezed in and out once in a while. She would
pretend to lick the customer’s cock and then look up into his
eyes with these big, soft, submissive brown eyes, and he
would go nuts! When I am tired of dancing for a customer
I pretend to give him head, and he gets off quick and goes
away. [Laughs.] I think most dancers know that, but we don’t
really talk about it. What she did looked submissive at first,
which I was a little uncom fortable with, but now I see it as a
whole other way to be incredibly accepting, erotic, and loving.
There are times when I’m pretending that the customer is a
voyeur and I don’t know he’s there.
Does your performance contain elements of dominance
and submission? ~ Absolutely. There are customers who are
very submissive—we tell them they have to lick the windows.
One guy we called “Slug” loved to lick those win dows!
Then there are the customers who really want to be in control
of the show. They motion and say “turn around,” “come
here.” I have a real hard time as soon as someone tells me
what they want. Even when I’m willing to do it, there’s still initial
resistance. We always tell each other, “You
don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
It’s your show; you’re in control.” Sometimes
we’ll tell the customers, “This isn’t Burger
King—you can’t have it your way.” It becomes
not fun, not ours, doing what somebody tells you to do. It’s
like being a waitress. It’s really stressful to have a shift where
that’s all you get.
I’ve recently had a tremendous breakthrough in this area. I
read Slave Girl of Gor [laughs], and I was exploring my submissive
fantasies, being totally submissive. A lot of my fantasies
when I masturbate are that I have absolute ly no choice
about it—I’m tightly bound. It’s pretty clear to me that I don’t
want to let go unless I’m forced to. I don’t want to take responsibility
for let ting go. So anyway, I thought I’d be a slave
girl of Gor onstage, and it was so hot. The customers were so
drawn to me. I had four of them for about an hour, nonstop.
There was absolutely no room for them to tell me what to
do; they just wanted to see what I was doing! I was making
love to myself, really going for it. I was acting like I was totally
theirs, that my whole purpose in life was to satisfy them. I
had total control of them. It was really interesting to actually
experience it, not just know that it’s true.
From stage you see a lot of tongues. Describe this. ~
It’s a way for them to be submissive, to say, “I would love to
lick your pussy.” “Your pussy is deli cious-looking.” “I would
love to return this, to arouse you.” It’s a way of communicating,
especially for the guys in the stand-up booths. We can’t
see the rest of their bodies, so they can’t gesture with their
204 EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG