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Courtly Love<br />

Courtly love is an idealized and often illicit<br />

form of love in which a knight or courtier devotes<br />

himself to a noblewoman who is usually married<br />

and feigns indifference to preserve her reputation.<br />

Just as with chivalry, the uneducated masses often<br />

romanticize courtly love. Not every culture practices<br />

courtly love, but of those that do, the 12 chief<br />

rules in love are known by all.<br />

The 12 Chief Rules in Love<br />

If the following rules in love are not observed<br />

by a knight or squire, then they may not be<br />

considered to be experiencing genuine courtly love,<br />

either by themselves or others.<br />

1. A character in love must avoid avarice like deadly<br />

pestilence, and must embrace its opposite.<br />

2. A character in love must remain chaste for the<br />

sake of their lover.<br />

3. A character in love must not knowingly participate<br />

in breaking up a correct love affair in<br />

which someone else is engaged.<br />

4. A character in love must not choose a lover for<br />

whom a natural sense of shame would forbid<br />

marriage.<br />

5. A character in love must avoid falsehood.<br />

6. A character in love must not have many who know<br />

of their love affair.<br />

7. A character in love must be obedient in all things<br />

to the commands of ladies, and should always<br />

strive to serve their lover.<br />

8. A character in love must be modest while giving<br />

and receiving the solaces of love.<br />

9. A character in love must speak no evil.<br />

10. A character in love must not reveal love affairs.<br />

11. A character in love must always be polite and<br />

courteous.<br />

12. A character in love must not exceed the desires<br />

of their lover.<br />

The Art of Courtly Love<br />

In cultures that practice the art of courtly<br />

love, it is admissible for both common folk, as well<br />

as knights and courtiers, to adhere to the following<br />

guidelines, hoping to demonstrate their genuine love<br />

for another:<br />

• Marriage is not an excuse for not loving.<br />

• He who is jealous cannot love.<br />

• No one can be bound by a double love.<br />

• It is well known that love is always increasing<br />

or decreasing.<br />

• That which a lover takes against the will of<br />

his beloved has no relish.<br />

• Boys do not love until they reach the age of<br />

maturity.<br />

• When a lover dies, a widowhood of 2 years<br />

is required of the survivor.<br />

• No one should be deprived of love without<br />

the very best of reasons.<br />

• No one can love unless he is propelled by<br />

the persuasion of love.<br />

• Love is always a stranger in the home of<br />

avarice.<br />

• It is improper to love any woman whom<br />

one would be ashamed to seek to<br />

marry.<br />

• A true lover does not desire to embrace in<br />

love with anyone except his beloved.<br />

• When made public, love rarely endures.<br />

• The easy attainment of love makes it of<br />

little value: difficulty of attainment<br />

makes it prized.<br />

• Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence<br />

of his beloved.<br />

• When a lover suddenly catches sight of his<br />

beloved, his heart palpitates.<br />

• A new love puts an old one to flight.<br />

• Any character is worthy of love who has<br />

temperance.<br />

• If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely<br />

revives.<br />

• A man in love is always apprehensive.<br />

• Real jealousy always increases the feeling of<br />

love.<br />

• Jealousy increases when one suspects his<br />

beloved.<br />

Chapter 6: Sociality<br />

159

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