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Household Items, Cauldrons<br />

A cauldron is a large kettle or boiler.<br />

01-33 Cauldron of Catastrophy:<br />

When a stew is brewed, a storm is produced.<br />

The storm will be powerful enough to level<br />

a castle. This cauldron only functions once<br />

per decade. The storm will level 1d20 square<br />

miles. It will randomly appear within 1d100<br />

miles of the cauldron. The storm will endure<br />

for 2d6 days. Any creature within the<br />

storm will experience 1d1000 LP of damage<br />

per round.<br />

34-66 Cauldron of Childbirth:<br />

Whosoever drinks or eats from this cauldron<br />

will become pregnant (if female), or cause<br />

the next female with whom they copulate<br />

to become pregnant. The number of times<br />

the food or drink is swallowed affects the<br />

type of child born. If a homosexual male<br />

swallows, then they gag to death. Roll 1d100<br />

to determine the number of swallows.<br />

Roll<br />

Result<br />

01-10<br />

Male child<br />

11-20<br />

Female child<br />

21-30<br />

Retard<br />

31-40<br />

Genius<br />

41-50<br />

Mass murderer<br />

51-60<br />

Future king/queen<br />

61-70<br />

Athlete<br />

71-80<br />

Fat slob<br />

81-90<br />

Stillborn<br />

91-100<br />

Son of a random god/goddess<br />

67-100 Cauldron of the Continuum:<br />

3 elves must be murdered, dismembered,<br />

and placed in the cauldron. Once<br />

the tasty are brought to a boil, they must be<br />

fully devoured by a single character within 2<br />

days. Thereafter, the cannibalistic character<br />

must roll 1d100. If the result is from 91-<br />

100, then the cannibalistic character becomes<br />

immortal for 1d100 days, with 1 exception.<br />

If the ‘immortal’ character is decapitated,<br />

then they die.<br />

Household Items, Censers<br />

A censer is a covered incense burner swung<br />

on chains in a religious ritual.<br />

01-20 Censer of Creation: Whosoever<br />

inhales the smoke from this censer<br />

will cause the creation of an ally to further<br />

their religion’s cause. The created ally will<br />

be a clone of the inhaler, except that they<br />

will have no interest in anything other than<br />

the religious cause. If this censer was not lit<br />

as part of a religious ceremony, then the created<br />

ally will attempt to kill the inhaler(s),<br />

steal the censer, establish an immoral ceremony,<br />

and use the censer to create an army.<br />

Once a created ally completes their task, they<br />

vanish.<br />

21-40 Censer of Creeping<br />

Death: Whosoever lights this censer will<br />

creep across the land and attempt to kill the<br />

first-born man of the first family they find.<br />

Upon killing the first-born man, they must<br />

chant, “Die by my hand, I creep across the<br />

land killing first-born man.” Thereafter, they<br />

will begin to like feminine music.<br />

41-60 Censer of Counter-Castration:<br />

If this censer is lit, then the genitalia<br />

of any male within 1d100 feet will not be<br />

harmed by any weapons as long as the censer<br />

remains smoking.<br />

61-80 Censer of Purification:<br />

Whosoever inhales the smoke from this censer<br />

is absolved of 1 sin in the eyes of their<br />

god. However, this effect only functions<br />

once per character per year. Once absolved<br />

of a sin, the inhaler will feel more religious,<br />

and they have gained 1d10 PP.<br />

81-100 Censer of Wisdom: Whosoever<br />

inhales the smoke from this censer<br />

gains 1d10 points in Wisdom; all sub-abilities<br />

of Wisdom receive that same amount.<br />

Each censer has a different amount, but all<br />

characters inhaling from the same censer<br />

receive the same bonus. Inhalers retain their<br />

bonus for 1d10 hours.<br />

Chapter 13: Magical Items<br />

729

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