The Individual, Auto/biography and History in South Africa

off by expressing his “envy” of the letter “so that I may be held by those warm hands
that are to receive it”. 52 In February 1952, while on an extended tour of Natal, he wrote
to Taylor about the toll the speeches had been taking on his voice and his energy, and
how he was sustained by their relationship. He added:
I am looking forward with impatience to those few minutes
of meeting you in Durban…. I just want to set my eyes on
you, and hear your voice speak and what of that laugh? If
my eyes can take you in, my senses embrace you, my pores
drink your presence, then I can go on indefinitely. 53
In 1956, a month after Tabata had been banned, Taylor travelled to Northern Rhodesia
to be with her daughter Sheila. Tabata wrote to her about the agony of being banned, as
well as the anguish of being separated from her. After all, his relationship with Taylor
was his main point of reference. All he had in her absence were the moments when he
stopped “to commune” with her. 54 Tabata was able to express these emotions
articulately and at length to her:
I have been writing letters to you in my head. Each day I write a
fresh one. Each day I open up with one and the same phrase:
“D! Where are you? Where are you, D?” The theme is the same.
It has become a refrain. It is strange is it not? When you were in
Austria, I knew where you were and what you were doing. My
spirit could cross the oceans in one brief moment and touch you,
literally feel your warmth and back again. I knew when you sat
on a fallen branch of a tree leaning your back against a living
trunk. Even when you crossed over to Italy and traversed that
country I followed you and saw you with my night’s eyes which
saw all too clearly when darkness came…. How is it that now
when you are next door in Africa, I cannot easily contact you? 55
Jane Gool was certainly aware of emotional closeness between Tabata and Taylor
beyond politics and culture, but later made this seem like support that Tabata gave to a
vulnerable comrade with whom he did vital political work. Taylor, Gool said, was like
52 I.B. Tabata to Dora Taylor, 23 August 1951, I.B. Tabata Collection, BC 925.
53 I.B. Tabata to Dora Taylor, 6 February 1952, I.B. Tabata Collection, BC 925.
54 I.B. Tabata to Dora Taylor, 9 April 1956, I.B. Tabata Collection, BC 925. This was the term Tabata
used for his acts of writing letters to Taylor. See also I.B. Tabata to Dora Taylor, 6 January 1956, I.B.
Tabata Collection, BC 925.
55 I.B. Tabata to Dora Taylor, 19 April 1956, I.B. Tabata Collection, BC 925.
415