Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

Mindfulness Activity
One of the beautiful things about mindfulness is that it positively impacts
someone’s self-esteem. 13 It’s possible that people who are higher in mindfulness
report higher self-esteem because of the central tenant of non-judgment. People
with lower self-esteems often report highly negative views of themselves and their
past experiences in life. These negative judgments can start to wear someone
down.
Christopher Pepping, Analise O’Donovan, and Penelope J. Davis believe that
mindfulness practice can help improve one’s self-esteem for four reasons: 14
• Labeling internal experiences with words, which might prevent people from getting consumed by
self-critical thoughts and emotions;
• Bringing a non-judgmental attitude toward thoughts and emotions, which could help individuals
have a neutral, accepting attitude toward the self;
• Sustaining attention on the present moment, which could help people avoid becoming caught up
in self-critical thoughts that relate to events from the past or future;
• Letting thoughts and emotions enter and leave awareness without reacting to them. 15
For this exercise, think about a recent situation where you engaged in self-critical thoughts.
1. What types of phrases ran through your head? Would you have said these to a friend? If not, why
do you say them to yourself?
1. What does the negative voice in your head sound like? Is this voice someone you want to listen
to? Why?
2. Did you try temporarily distracting yourself to see if the critical thoughts would go away (e.g.,
mindfulness meditation, coloring, exercise)? If yes, how did that help? If not, why?
3. Did you examine the evidence? What proof did you have that the self-critical thought was true?
4. Was this a case of a desire to improve yourself or a case of non-compassion towards yourself?
Self-Compassion
Some researchers have argued that self–esteem as the primary measure of someone’s psychological
health may not be wise because it stems from comparisons with others and judgments. As such, Kristy
Neff has argued for the use of the term self-compassion. 16
stems out of the larger discussion of compassion. Compassion “involves being
touched by the suffering of others, opening one’s awareness to others’ pain and not avoiding or
disconnecting from it, so that feelings of kindness toward others and the desire to alleviate their suffering
emerge.” 17 then is about the sympathetic consciousness for someone who is suffering
or unfortunate. “involves being touched by and open to one’s own suffering, not
avoiding or disconnecting from it, generating the desire to alleviate one’s suffering and to heal oneself
with kindness. Self-compassion also involves offering nonjudgmental understanding to one’s pain,
inadequacies and failures, so that one’s experience is seen as part of the larger human experience.” 18 Neff
argues that self-compassion can be broken down into three distinct categories: self-kindness, common
humanity, and mindfulness (Figure 3.4).
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Interpersonal Communication