Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

same end result using multiple starting points and paths. Going back to the basic definition of “family”
discussed earlier in this chapter, there are many different ways for people to form relationships that are
called families. Within family systems theory, the goal is to see how different family systems achieve the
same outcomes (whether positive or negative).
Mindfulness Activity
Research has demonstrated that parental mindfulness has an indirect impact
on children’s internalizing or externalizing of problems. 33 As such, mindful
parenting is an extremely useful tool when raising children (specifically
being attentive, non-judgmental, and non-reactive). Furthermore, Jill Suttie
recommends three specific factors for successful mindful parenting:
1. Noticing your own feelings when you’re in conflict with your child,
2. Learning to pause before responding in anger,
3. Listening carefully to a child’s viewpoint even when disagreeing with
it. 34
Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn define mindful parenting as “Seeing if we can remember to bring this kind of
attention and openness and wisdom to our moments with our children. It is a true practice, its own inner
discipline, its own form of meditation.” 35 The essence of mindful parenting is about being present in
one’s day-to-day interactions with their children. For this activity, answer the following questions. If you
are not a parent, think about how your own parents and/or guardians would answer these questions.
1. When you are spending time as a family, are you free from distractions (e.g., cell phones,
television)?
2. Does your family have a clear schedule that creates a stable routine (e.g., family mealtimes,
bedtimes for children)?
3. Does your family engage in “family time” that does not involve technology?
4. How often do you dedicate time to focus purely on your child’s needs?
5. When engaging in a conflict with your child, do you remove yourself when you start to get angry
(taking a “time out”)?
6. How often do you apologize to your child when you’re wrong?
7. When watching your children’s behavior, do you find yourself observing them or judging them?
8. When was the last time you considered your intentions, judgments, and attitude towards your
child during an interaction?
Mapping Family Systems
One of the revolutionary tools created by Murray Bowen to understand complicated family relationships
is the genogram. A a pictorial representation of a family across generations. Unlike a
traditional family tree, a genogram is designed to detail family data and not just basic demographic
information (biological sex, birth dates, death dates, etc.). When used effectively, you can track
generations of family interactions, medical issues, psychological issues, relationship patterns, and any
other variable a researcher or clinician may be interested in studying. 36
The standard genogram starts with a couple pairing of some kind. In a genogram, males are
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