Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

if the time arises. are ones that reflect a specific space and time in our
lives, but current interaction is minimal and primarily reflects a time when the two friends were highly
involved in each other’s lives. With commemorative friendships, we still see ourselves as friends even
though we don’t have the consistent interaction that active friendships have.
In a study conducted by Sara LaBelle and Scott Myers, the researchers set out to determine what
types of relational maintenance strategies people use to keep their friendships going across the three
different types of friendship patterns (active, dormant, & commemorative). 35 Using the seven relational
maintenance behaviors noted by Laura Stafford (positivity, understanding, self-disclosure, relationship
talks, assurances, tasks, & networks), 36 the researchers recruited participants over the age of 30 to examine
the intersection of relational maintenance and friendship types. All three friendship types use positivity,
relational talks, and networks related to relational maintenance to some degree. However, active
friendships were more likely than commemorative friendships to use understanding, self-disclosure,
assurances, and tasks to maintain their friendships. No differences were seen in relational maintenance
strategies between active and dormant friendships nor dormant friendships and commemorative
friendships.
Waning Friendship
Unfortunately, some friendships will not last. There are many reasons why friendships may start to
wane or decrease in importance in our lives. There are three primary reasons Rawlins discusses as
causes: “an overall decline in affect, an individual or mutual decision to let it wane based on identifiable
dissatisfaction with the relationship, or a significant, negative, relational event which precipitates an
abrupt termination of the friendship.” 37 First, some relationships wane because there is a decrease in
emotional attachment. Some friends stop putting in the time and effort to keep the friendship going, so
it’s not surprising that there is a decrease in emotional attachments. Second, both parties may become
dissatisfied with the relationship and decide to take a hiatus or spend more time with other friends.
Lastly, some relationship-destroying event could happen. For example, you find out that Adilah had an
affair with your romantic partner. Adilah broke a promise to you or told someone one of your secrets.
Adilah started yelling at you for no reason and physically assaulted you. Each of these events would most
likely destroy your friendship.
A wide range of different events could end a friendship. In a study conducted by a team of
researchers led by Amy Janan Johnson, the researchers interviewed college students about why their
friendships had terminated. 38 The most common reasons listed for why relationships fell apart were 1)
romantic partner of self or friend, 2) increase in geographic distance, 3) conflict, 4) not many common
interests, 5) hanging out with different groups or different friends, and 6) other. Interestingly, females
and males in the study did report differences in the likelihood that these five reasons led to deterioration.
Females reported that conflict was a greater reason for friendship deterioration than males. And males
reported not having many common interests was a greater reason for friendship deterioration than
females. Females and males did not differ in the other three categories. It’s important to note, that while
this set of findings is interesting, it was conducted among college students, so it may not apply to older
adults.
Post-Friendship
The final stage of the friendship is what happens after the friendship is over. Even if a friendship ended
on a horrible note, there are still parts of that friendship that will remain with us forever, impacting how
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Interpersonal Communication