Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

Current research indicates that relational aggression begins in childhood and extends into the workplace.
Maintaining an awareness of this tendency may help to avoid this situation in the future. A challenge with
relational aggression among women is that it is known to be negative and yet labeled as normal. 33,34,35,36,37
Evidence of this dual perspective on relational aggression among women is found within the media in
movies such as Mean Girls (also a Broadway musical). Because of the acceptance of this behavior as
negative and normal, conversations were held with women to understand their explanation for engaging
in negative behavior. Through these conversations, several themes emerged. These themes included (a)
girls will be girls; (b) relational aggression as venting; (c) blaming the victim; (d) minimizing their role; and
(e) regret. The “girls will be girls” theme is especially problematic because it indicates that women know
that relational aggression has negative consequences, but they accept it as normal. Researchers report
that college-aged women when discussing relational aggression made such statements as ‘‘something you
expect [among women], drama and gossip and cattiness’’ and ‘‘typical girl stuff.’’ They concluded that
women continue to engage in relational aggression because it is perceived to be normal. In other words, it
is acceptable because everyone is doing it. 38
The second theme that emerged in discussions of relational aggression among college-aged women
was relational aggression as venting. Women regularly described gossiping, name-calling and talking
behind someone’s back as cathartic in nature. It was described as a form of stress relief. It was concluded
that women view this form of communication as acceptable because it is beneficial. This “excuse” makes
it okay to vent to other women even if it might be harmful if discovered by the target. 39
The third theme among women discussing relational aggression was “blaming the victim.” The
majority of women reported that the targets were to blame for the relationally aggressive behavior because
they were either “crazy” or engaged in sexually inappropriate behavior. Other reasons given were that
the target was either mean to them first or “different.” For example, one girl reported targeting her
roommate, whom she knew to be mentally ill. She blamed the girl by stating that the girl should have
taken her medicine more regularly to control her behavior better. Additionally, the majority of women
in their study stated that they engage in relational aggression because the target engaged in inappropriate
sexual behavior.
A fourth theme related to relational aggression emerged in which women attempted to minimize their
role. Study participants mainly reported that they were simply going along with the actual perpetrator and
acted as an audience member. Individuals described themselves as listeners rather than being the real
aggressor. Another way in which women attempted to minimize their role was to compare their behaviors
to others. This comparison served to demonstrate that their behavior was not as aggressive as that of
others.
Finally, women discussed feeling regret for having behaved in a relationally aggressive manner.
Though the women did express regret, their regret was generally paired with blaming the victim. For
example, participants acknowledged that they felt bad for behaving as they did even though the target was
crazy.
Verbal Aggression
is defined as communication that attacks an individual’s self-concept intending to
create psychological pain. If you have ever had an argument and been called a name or been putdown,
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Interpersonal Communication