Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

of the authors of this textbook was once meeting with a colleague who was repeatedly sighing during a
meeting. Later, when she and her colleague were discussing the meeting, he said, “Didn’t you notice that
I was sighing?” She told him she did notice that he was sighing, but she was unsure why. We will discuss
this further in the ambiguity of nonverbal communication. In this example, the author’s colleague was
aware of the importance of nonverbal communication and attempted to use it deliberately.
In addition to awareness, individuals must believe that nonverbal communication is valuable. If your
parent/guardian ever said to you, “it wasn’t what you said, it was how you said it,” then your parent/
guardian was demonstrating a belief that nonverbal communication is essential. An individual may
acknowledge that nonverbal communication exists but may discount its value. For example, one of the
authors had a recurring argument with the author’s spouse, who would sigh or roll her eyes as a response
in interaction. The author would ask the spouse what it meant, and the spouse would inevitably say,
“I can sigh or roll my eyes without it meaning anything.” This is not an uncommon response, but the
authors of this text hope to dispel this perception.
For a better understanding of the value of communication, Google “value of communication.”
Your search will return over a billion links. While it is not possible to review all of the search results,
read through a few of the articles. For this exercise we found titles like “The Value of Effective
Communication in the Workplace” a and “Why Communication Is Today’s Most Important Skill.” 2 In
fact, we found almost 300,000 articles with the phrase “value of communication.” These news articles tell
readers that effective communication secures customer, creates bonds between employees, and increases
revenues.
Nonverbal communication is an essential element in relating to others. Nonverbal communication
is often the very first way in which we invite a relationship with another, or, at the very least, invite
communication. To communicate with another, we must make eye contact with a few exceptions. Thus,
relationships begin with nonverbal communication. Also, consider how humans relate to others through
touch, scent, hand gestures, physical appearance, and more.
Humans often use nonverbal communication to relay to others an interest in continuing a
conversation or leaving a conversation. For example, you may run into a colleague and strike up a
spontaneous conversation in the hall. The conversation is enjoyable, and you each relate to the other that
you are enjoying conversing about work. Your colleague may recognize that he needs to get to a meeting
and relates this information to you by looking at his watch, beginning to back away, or looking at the door
he needs to enter.
Another way in which we relate to others via nonverbal communication is through the communication
of emotion. Through a myriad of nonverbal behaviors, we can communicate emotions such as
joy, happiness, and sadness. The nonverbal expression of emotion allows others to know how to
communicate with us.
A particularly challenging aspect of nonverbal communication is the fact that it is ambiguous. In the
seventies, nonverbal communication as a topic was trendy. Some were under the impression that we
could use nonverbal communication to “read others like a book.” One of the authors remembers her
cousin’s wife telling her that she shouldn’t cross her arms because it signaled to others that she was
closed off. It would be wonderful if crossing one’s arms signaled one meaning, but think about the many
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