Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

Butterfield and Rebecca Chory-Assad 4 indicates that individuals in more stable relationships are more
likely to use this overt strategy.
test is another form of secret testing in which the partner is tested by engaging in actions
that the partner might perceive to be a cost in the relationship. If the partner remains in the relationship,
then it is presumed that the partner is committed to the relationship. Research revealed three types of
endurance tests: behaving negatively toward the partner, criticizing oneself to the point of being annoying,
and making a request that required the partner to exert a great deal of effort. Because the endurance test
involves introducing cost into the relationship, individuals risk tipping the scales, i.e., creating more costs
than rewards which social exchange theory tells us may result in relationship dissolution. Melanie Booth-
Butterfield and Rebecca Chory-Assad explored secret test use in deteriorating relationships. 5 Their
research revealed that in unstable relationships, any secret test involving behaviors that deviated from
what one would normally do in a relationship was associated with a desire for relationship disengagement.
The third form of secret testing is . Indirect suggestions involve joking or
hinting about more serious stages of relationships such as marriage or having children. If joking about
more serious stages in a relationship is met with laughter, flirting, or intimate touching, then it might
be assumed that the partner is interested in pursuing a more serious relationship. Another indirect
suggestion comes in the form of increasingly more intimate touch. If the intimate touch is received
positively or reciprocated, then it is also assumed that there is a commitment to the relationship.
The fourth form of secret testing involves as a relationship
in which a mutual commitment is involved. This public presentation is meant to gauge the partner’s
response. For example, you might change your Facebook status to “in a relationship” to gauge your
partner’s reaction. Another example is introducing your relationship partner as girlfriend/boyfriend and
observing the reaction. This secret test is particularly risky because it may result in a public rejection. The
advantage is that it might result in public acceptance.
Separation Test
A fifth secret test is the . Have you ever been in the beginning stages of a relationship and
found it necessary to travel and hoped that your new relationship would survive the physical distance?
At times, individuals intentionally create physical distance to test the strength of the relationship. If the
relationship survives a few days of separation, then this is an affirmation that the partner is committed. If
the relationship partner does not attempt to make contact during the physical separation, then this may
be a sign that there is a less than desirable level of interest.
Third-Party Test
The sixth form of secret testing is . In this case, one might seek the opinion or insight
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Interpersonal Communication