Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

their experiences with two additional tactics:
Damaged personal property or belongings, such as in their home or car
Made threats of physical harm
Sally Fiona Kelly explored aggression concerning violent sentiments. 72 In her study, she sought to
understand why individuals engaged in violent behavior. Her study demonstrates that individuals who
have committed violent acts in a relationship believe violence is acceptable and are prepared to use
violence. This finding suggests that one approach to reducing violence is to focus on changing beliefs and
thoughts associated with violence. Strategic communication scholars can create campaigns to target beliefs
related to violence. In a similar study, participants predicted that women would become more aggressive
while watching videos of males and females in conflict. When watching videos of “fighting” couples,
males predicted the conflict would lead to increasing levels of aggression more often than females. Male
participants also recommended the use of more aggressive behaviors during conflict. 73 Thus this study
underscores the change perceptions of the acceptability of aggressive behavior. This same study assessed
participant’s perceptions of the likelihood of conciliatory strategies on the part of the individuals in fights.
Participants in the study believe the chance of forgiveness and resolution decreased as conflict increase.
In light of this finding, relational partners should apologize and forgive earlier in conflict to reduce
escalation that may increase the chance of violence.
Being Mindful
Gaining an awareness of destructive communication behaviors in relationships may help avoid the
emotional consequences of destructive communication as well as the loss of a relationship. Individuals
engage in information seeking strategies to gain insight into the current state-of-the-relationship. As
discussed earlier in this chapter, one such strategy is secret testing. This strategy ranges from the not
so secretive “direct” secret test to the entrapping “triangle test.” Other secret tests involve endurance,
indirect suggestions, public presentation, separation, and third-party testing. Although secret tests
may allow relationship partners to understand their relationship through subtle and sometimes overt
information seeking, the direct approach seems to be the one that relationship partners use when they
wish to maintain the relationship.
Relational aggression is a harmful form of behavior that serves to either withhold friendship or
manipulate the social relationships of another individual. This form of behavior is particularly prevalent
among females and begins in early childhood and continues into the workplace. The consequences of
relational aggression are emotional pain and withdrawal.
Verbal aggression is a communication strategy in which the self-concept is attacked rather than
arguing about the issues of a controversial topic. The impact of verbal aggression can be lessened if the
communicator used and affirming style of communication. Bullying is similar to verbal aggression and
relational aggression. Bullying is a destructive form of communication in which the aggressor targets
an individual who is weaker either in strength, size, or ability. The effects of bullying can range from
relatively mild (hurt feelings) to devastating (successful suicide attempts).
One cannot wholly escape the possibility of becoming a victim of the darker side of communication.
Still, individuals can work to avoid engaging in the behaviors associated with the dark side of
communication. To do so, consider adopting an affirming style of communication, focusing on the
topic during arguments rather than the self-concept of others, and working to prevent bullying when it is
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Interpersonal Communication