Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

This does not discount the possibility of random, chance encounters with other people. Still, most of our
interpersonal relationships (outside of our family) stem from these roles and the communicative contexts
they present.
Friendly Relations
From role delimited interaction, we may decide to move to the second stage of friendship, friendly
relations. These relations are generally positive interactions, but they still exist within those same roles. In
our example, we start chatting with Adilah before the beginning of each class. At this point, though, most
of our interactions are still going to be within those roles, so we end up talking about the class, fellow
students, the teacher, homework assignments, etc. Notice that there is not a lot of actual self-disclosure
happening within friendly relations. Some people can maintain friendly relations with others for years.
For example, you may interact with coworkers, religious association members, and neighbors within this
type of relationship without them ever progressing to the next stage of friendship. According to Rawlins,
friendly relationships move towards friendships because they start to exhibit four specific communication
behaviors:
1. moves away from what is required in the specific role relationship,
2. fewer stereotyped lines of interaction,
3. individual violations of public propriety, and
4. greater spontaneity. 31
First, we start interacting in a manner that doesn’t resemble the original roles we had. In our example,
we start interacting in a manner that doesn’t resemble the roles of students when they first meet. Second,
we move away from lines of communication that are stereotypes for our roles. For example, some
possible stereotyped lines for two students could include, “what did you think of the homework;” “did
you bring your book with you today;” “see you next class;” etc. In each of these lines, we enact dialogue
that is expected (or stereotyped) within the context of the class itself. Third, more of our normal selves
will start to seep into our interactions, which are called violations of public propriety. Maybe one day
Adilah turns to you before class, saying, “That reading for homework was such a waste of time.” In
this case, Adilah is giving you a bit more insight into who she is as a person “These violations of public
propriety single an individual out as having an essential side which is not so easily circumscribed by the
protocol of a situation.” 32 Lastly, we see increased spontaneity in our interactions with the other person.
Over time, these interactions, although still interacting within their formal roles, take on more social and
less formalized tones. Maybe one day Adilah tells you a joke or shares a piece of gossip she heard. In this
case, Adilah is starting to be more spontaneous and less structured in her interactions.
At some point, people decide to interact with one another outside of the roles they originally embodied
when they initially met. This change in roles is a voluntary change. In our example, maybe one day
Adilah invites you to get coffee after class, and then another day, you ask her to get lunch before class.
Although it’s possible that a single step outside of those roles could be enough that a friendly relation is
moving towards a friendship, there is generally a sequence of these occurrences. In our example here,
Adilah may have made the first move inviting us to coffee, but we then reciprocated later by asking her to
lunch. In both of these cases, we are starting to step outside of the original friendly relation and changing
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Interpersonal Communication