Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

10.1 Friendship Relationships
Learning
Outcomes
1. Evaluate Rawlins’ friendship characteristics.
2. Analyze the importance of communication in the formation of
friendships.
3. Appraise Rawlins’ dialectical approach to friendships.
In a 2017 book on the psychology of friendship, Michael Monsour asked the different chapter authors if
they planned on defining the term “friendship” within their various chapters. 12 Monsour found that the
majority of the authors planned on not defining the term “friendship,” but instead planned on identifying
characteristics of the term “friendship.” We point this out because defining “friend” and “friendship”
isn’t an easy thing to do. We all probably see our friendships as different or unique, which is one of the
reasons why defining the terms is so hard. For our purposes in this chapter, we’re going to go along with
the majority of friendship scholars and not provide a strict definition for the term.
William K. Rawlins, a communication scholar and one of the most influential figures in the study of
friendship, argues that friendships have five essential characteristics that make them unique from other
forms of interpersonal relationships: voluntary, personal, equality, involvement, and affect (Figure 10.2). 13
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Voluntary
Personal
Equality
Mutual
Affective
Figure 10.2. Friendship
Voluntary
There’s an old saying that goes, “You can’t choose
your family, but you can choose your friends.”
This saying affirms the basic idea that friendship
relationships are voluntary. Friendships are based
out of an individual’s free will to choose whom they
want to initiate a friendship relationship with. We
go through our lives constantly making decisions to
engage in a friendship with one person and not engage
in a friendship with another person. Each and every
one of us has our reasons for friendships. For example,
one of our coauthors originally established a friendship
with a peer during graduate school because they were
the two youngest people in the program. In this case,
the friendship was initiated because of demographic
homophily but continues almost 20 years later because
they went on to establish a deeper, more meaningful
relationship over time. Take a second and think about
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