Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

then you have been the target of verbal aggression. 40 Verbal aggression is considered a destructive form of
communication. Because verbal aggression is regarded as a negative form of communication, researchers
have worked to determine characteristics that may increase the likelihood of individuals behaving in an
aggressive manner. Researchers found that six dimensions of self-esteem (defensive self-enhancement,
moral self-approval, lovability, likability, self-control, and identity integration) were significantly and
negatively related to trait verbal aggressiveness. 41 History of familial verbal aggression was positively
associated with the perceived acceptability of verbal aggression against a romantic partner, and this
association was stronger for individuals with higher behavioral inhibition system scores. Individuals with
high behavioral inhibition are more likely to be anxious and react nervously when facing punishment. In
other words, people who have been exposed to verbal aggression are more likely to find it acceptable to
engage in verbal aggression against a relational partner, especially when the individual also scores high
in behavioral inhibition. Also, individuals who score high in behavioral inhibition are more likely to find
verbal aggression to be acceptable regardless of whether they have been exposed to verbal aggression in
the past. 42
If your parents/guardians ever told you that it wasn’t what you said, it was the way you said it, then
they were offering you sage advice. Research shows that when engaged in interpersonal disputes, smaller
amounts of verbal aggression were perceived when the affirming communicator style (relaxed, friendly,
and attentive) was used. 43 Thus the communicator’s style of communication impacted the perception
of the message. Table 14.1 provides a list of the ten most common examples of verbally aggressive
messages. 44 Type of Message Example
Character Attacks
Competence Attacks
Background Attacks
Physical Appearance
Maledictions
Teasing
Ridicule
Threats
Swearing
Nonverbal Emblems
Table 14.1 Verbally Aggressive Messages
You’re a lying jerk!
You’re too stupid to manage our finances.
You don’t even have a college degree!
You are as fat as a pig!
I wish you were dead.
Your hair color makes you look like a clown.
Your nose looks like a beak.
I’ll leave you and you won’t have a dime to your name.
Go to _____!
shaking fists, “flipping off”
Bullying
Bullying is a form of communication in which an aggressive individual targets an individual who is
perceived to be weaker. is a form of aggressive behavior in which a person of greater power
attempts to inflict harm or discomfort on individuals. This definition also indicates that the behavior is
repeated over time. 45 For example, a child might call his friend an idiot on the playground one day. A
single incident of name-calling would not be considered bullying, but if it happened day after day, then
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