Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

sex (and it appears that most do), at a minimum there should be agreement about what constitutes
biological sex. What biological traits make a person a female or a male?
• Are they absolute?
• Are they universal? 58
• As part of this discussion, Monsour provides an extensive list of areas of controversy related to the
terms used for binary gender identity.
• What about individuals who are intersexed?
• What about individuals with chromosomal differences outside of traditional XX and XY (e.g.,
X, Y, XYY, XXX, XXY)? Heck, there are even some XXmales and XYfemales who develop
because of chromosomal structural anomalies SRY region on the Y chromosome?
• What about bisexual, gay, and lesbian people?
• What about people who are transgendered?
• What about people who are asexual?
Hopefully, you’re beginning to see that the concept of labeling “same-sex” and “opposite sex”
friendships based on heterosexual cisgendered individuals who have 46-chromosomal pairs that are
either XX or XY may not be the best or most complete way of understanding friendship.
We should also note that research in the field of communication has noted that an individual’s
biological sex contributes to maybe 1% of the differences between “females” and “males.” 59 So, why
would we use the words “same” and “opposite” to differentiate friendship lines when there is more
similarity between groups than not? As such, we agree with the definition and conceptualization of the
term created by Mike Monsour and William Rawlins’ “postmodern friendships.” 60 A
is one where the “participants co-construct the individual and dyadic realities within
specific friendships. This co-construction involves negotiating and affirming (or not) identities and
intersubjectively creating relational and personal realities through communication.” 61 Ultimately, this
perspective allows individuals to create their own friendship identities that may or may not be based on
any sense of traditional gender identities.
Cross-Group Friendships
As we noted above, research has found that one of the biggest factors in friendship creation is the groups
one belongs too (more so for males than females). In this section, we’re going to explore issues related to
cross-group friendships. A cross-group friendship is a friendship that exists between two individuals who
belong to two or more different cultural groups (e.g., ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic
status, nationality). “The phrase, ‘Some of my best friends are...’ is all too typically used by individuals
wanting to demonstrate their liberal credentials. ‘Some of my best friends are ... gay.’ ‘Some of my best
friends are ... Black.’ People say, ‘Some of my best friends are ...’ and then fill in the blank with whatever
marginalized group which they care to exonerate themselves.” 62 Often when we hear people make these
“Some of my best friends are…” statements, we view them as seriously suspect and question the validity
of these relationships as actual friendships. However, many people develop successful cross-group
friendships.
It’s important to understand that our cultural identities can help us feel that we are part of the
“in-group” or part of the “out-group” as well. Identity in our society is often highly intertwined with
marginalization. As noted earlier, we also know that males are more likely to align themselves with others
they perceive as similar. Females do this as well, but not to the same degree as males. In essence, most
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Interpersonal Communication