Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

from the partner’s friends, family members, or coworkers.
Triangle Test
The final form of secret testing is the . This test involves the manipulation of a third person
to obtain information about the relationship. A common form of triangle testing is to induce a jealous
reaction by mentioning an interested third party. For example, a relationship partner might be told that a
classmate was making flirtatious advances in class. The partner’s reaction to this information is presumed
to be an indicator of the partner’s commitment. A “fidelity check” is another form of triangle testing in
which a situation is created to allow the partner to “cheat.” The partner’s reaction is then observed.
In more recent research, Rebecca Chory-Assad and Melanie Booth-Butterfied determined that
relationship partners use different strategies when attempting to maintain a relationship than when
attempting to end a relationship. 6 These researchers determined that relationship partners who wish to
maintain a relationship when the relationship seems to be coming to an end will use the direct secret
test in which the partner is approached directly. On the other hand, individuals who wish to end a
relationship will do so by utilizing a secret test such as jealousy. Still, these individuals also report having
low self-esteem. They concluded that individuals with low self-esteem might use secret testing as a means
to “break up” because they do not have the confidence to talk with the partner directly.
Apologies are a necessary part of everyday interactions and important to correcting either intentional or
unintentional hurt created in others. Despite the positive aspect of apologizing, it is often difficult to do.
If your parents/guardians ever required you to apologize to a sibling, then you may recall the difficulty
of uttering the words, “I apologize.” Conversely, some individuals use apologies so frequently that the
apology becomes meaningless. An apology implies acknowledgment of wrongdoing. 7
Acknowledgment includes expression of responsibility, conveyance of remorse and direct request for
forgiveness. Acknowledgment of wrongdoing should imply that there will be an effort to avoid repeated
occurrences of the same behavior. Regardless of the difficulties presented by the need to apologize,
the positive aspects must be considered. Apologies have positive benefits such as increased feelings of
empathy for the offender 8 and reducing the consequences for an offender. 9 Individuals who offer more
elaborate apologies receive more favorable evaluation, are blamed less, forgiven more, and liked more
by the individuals to whom an apology is made. Apology Sincerity influences how the victim feels after
the negative event. 10 Apology sincerity may alleviate strong negative emotions, including anger. Sincere
apologies may also lead victims to think about conflict less negatively and be less vengeful.
The amount of time spent online by a wide range of people makes the Internet an adequate “meeting
place” for relationships of all types. The Internet shrinks our world and enables individuals to find others
with similar interests, desirable knowledge (health information, how to clean, the best campgrounds,
etc.), and attractive qualities. We might consider that the Internet provides privacy, the ability to interact
frequently, and enables close proximity. Research shows that when it comes to Internet infidelity,
partners perceive their infidelity to be more acceptable than their partner’s infidelity. Also, males find
involving/goal-directed acts (making plans, expressing love) as more acceptable than women. 11 Because
of the murky nature of what constitutes infidelity via the Internet, researchers have worked to define it
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