Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

partners disagree about what is optimal stabilization, then disagreements and tensions will occur.
In today’s world, romantic relationships can take on a variety of different meanings and expectations.
For instance, “hooking up” or having “friends with benefits” are terms that people might use to describe
the status of their relationship. Many people might engage in a variety of relationships but not necessarily
get married. We know that relationships vary from couple to couple. No matter what the relationship
type, couples decided to come together or come apart.
You may have heard that relationships are hard
work. Relationships need maintenance and
care. Just like your body needs food and your
car needs gasoline to run, your relationships
need attention as well. When people are in
a relationship with each other, what makes a
difference to keep people together is how they
feel when they are with each other. Maintenance
can make a relationship more satisfying and
successful.
Daniel Canary and Laura Stafford stated
that “most people desire long-term, stable, and
satisfying relationships.” 11 To keep a satisfying
relationship, individuals must utilize relationship
maintenance behaviors. They believed that if
individuals do not maintain their relationships,
the relationships will weaken and/or end. “It is
naïve to assume that relationships simply stay
together until they fall apart or that they happen
to stay together.” 12
Joe Ayres studied how individuals maintain
their interpersonal relationships. 13 Through
factor analysis, he identified three types of
strategies. First, avoidance strategies are used
to evade communication that might threaten
the relationship. Second, balance strategies are
used to maintain equality in the relationship
so that partners do not feel underbenefited or
overbenefited from being in the relationship. Third, direct strategies are used to evaluate and remind the
partner of relationship objectives. It is worth noting that Joe Ayers found that relationship intent had a
major influence on the perceptions of the relationship partners. If partners wanted to stay together, they
would make more of an effort to employ maintenance strategies than deterioration strategies.
Laura Stafford and Daniel Canary (1991) found five key relationship maintenance behaviors (Figure
8.2). First, positivity is a relational maintenance factor used by communicating with their partners in a
happy and supportive manner. Second, openness occurs when partners focus their communication on
the relationship. Third, assurances are words that emphasize the partners’ commitment to the duration
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
Positivity
Openness
Assurances
Networking
Sharing tasks
Conflict management
Advice
Figure 8.2 Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
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Interpersonal Communication