Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

they have to say, we may end up being a passive listener who does nothing more than hear and nod
our heads. Remember, mindful communication starts with the premise that we must think about our
intentions and be aware of them.
Understanding
The second stage of the listening model is understanding, or the ability to comprehend or decode the
source’s message. When we discussed the basic models of human communication in Chapter 2, we
discussed the idea of decoding a message. Simply, decoding is when we attempt to break down the
message we’ve heard into comprehensible meanings. For example, imagine someone coming up to you
asking if you know, “Tintinnabulation of vacillating pendulums in inverted, metallic resonant cups.” Even
if you recognize all of the words, you may not completely comprehend what the person is even trying to
say. In this case, you cannot decode the message. Just as an FYI, that means “jingle bells.”
Remembering
Once we’ve decoded a message, we have to actually remember the message itself, or the ability to recall a
message that was sent. We are bombarded by messages throughout our day, so it’s completely possible to
attend to a message and decode it and then forget it about two seconds later.
For example, I always warn my students that my brain is like a sieve. If you tell me something when
I’m leaving the class, I could easily have forgotten what you told me three seconds later because my brain
switches gear to what I’m doing next: I run into another student into in the hallway; another thought pops
into my head; etc. As such, I always recommend emailing me important things, so I don’t forget them. In
this case, it’s not that I don’t understand the message; I just get distracted, and my remembering process
fails me. This problem plagues all of us.
Interpreting
The next stage in the HURIER Model of Listening is interpreting. “Interpreting messages involves
attention to all of the various speaker and contextual variables that provide a background for accurately
perceived messages.” 40 So, what do we mean by contextual variables? A lot of the interpreting process is
being aware of the nonverbal cues (both oral and physical) that accompany a message to accurately assign
meaning to the message.
Imagine you’re having a conversation with one of your peers, and he says, “I love math.” Well, the
text itself is demonstrating an overwhelming joy and calculating mathematical problems. However, if
the message is accompanied by an eye roll or is said in a manner that makes it sound sarcastic, then the
meaning of the oral phrase changes. Part of interpreting a message then is being sensitive to nonverbal
cues.
Evaluating
The next stage is the evaluating stage, or judging the message itself. One of the biggest hurdles many
people have with listening is the evaluative stage. Our personal biases, values, and beliefs can prevent us
from effectively listening to someone else’s message.
Let’s imagine that you despise a specific politician. It’s gotten to the point where if you hear this
politician’s voice, you immediately change the television channel. Even hearing other people talk about
this politician causes you to tune out completely. In this case, your own bias against this politician
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Interpersonal Communication