Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

acknowledging others’ contributions, and being tactful in communication with others. The relaxed style
involves being calm and collected while avoiding nervous mannerisms that indicate that one is tense.
Being attentive involves listening carefully to others and demonstrating an empathic approach to others.
Research has demonstrated that the affirming communicator style causes receivers to perceive that there
is less verbal aggression. 60
One final aspect of the dark side of interpersonal communication to be considered is deceptive
communication. We are all familiar with the concept of lying and deception. We are taught from a
young age that we should not lie, but we often witness the very people instructing us not to lie engaging
in “little white lies” or socially acceptable lies. As communication scholars, we must distinguish between
a lie that is told for the benefit of the receiver and a lie that is told with more malicious intent. Lies
told with more malicious intent are referred to as deception and are the focus of this section. Judee
Burgoon and David Buller define deception as, ‘‘a deliberate act perpetuated by a sender to engender
in a receiver beliefs contrary to what the sender believes is true to put the receiver at a disadvantage.” 61
Deceptive communication can exist in any type of relationship and in any context. H. Dan O’Hair and
Michael Cody discuss deception as a common message strategy that is used in a manner similar to other
forms of communication. 62 They state that deception is often purposeful, goal-directed, and can be
used as a relational control device. We will begin our discussion of deception by exploring three types
of deception. This discussion will be followed by exploring the work of Jennifer Guthrie and Adrianne
Kunkel, who discussed why romantic partners use deception and how often. 63
Three types of deception are discussed in the field of communication: falsification, concealment, and
equivocation. 64 Falsification is when a source deliberately presents information that is false or fraudulent.
For example, the source of deception may state, “I did not drink when I went out last night,” even though
the source did drink. Researchers have found that falsification is the most common form of deception.
Concealment is another form of deception in which the source deliberately withholds information.
For example, if two partners are living in two different states and one partner is offered a job in the same
state as the other partner, but the job offer is not revealed to the other partner, then concealment has
occurred. Consider the consequences of concealment in this situation. By failing to reveal the job offer,
the source is preventing the receiver from operating with all of the known facts. For example, a decision
to remain in a long-distance relationship might be affected if one partner is not willing to take a job that
will mean living in the same state.
The third form of deception is referred to as equivocation. This form of deception represents a moral
grey area for some because some see equivocation as a clear lie. Equivocation is a statement that could be
interpreted as having more than one meaning. For example, you ask your romantic partner if she talked
to her ex-boyfriend last night, and she says, “no, I didn’t talk to him,” but she did text with him, then an
equivocation has occurred. Technically, the statement, “I did not talk to him” is true, but only technically
because communication did occur in a different form. Consider how the answer may have been changed
if the question was, “Did you communicate with your ex-boyfriend last night?” Now that we have
discussed what deception is and several types of deception, we can examine how deception functions in
romantic relationships.
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