Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

support, problem-solving, and reciprocation. And these relationships can be just as intimate as their
female counterparts, but the relationships may look a bit more distinct. First, many male friendships are
based around activities: church, work, hobbies, social clubs, etc. These friendships are less about having
conversations and more about engaging in the activity at hand. These friendships are not going to be
as communal as female friendships that develop around recreation. Often people mistake these male
friendships as being less “intimate” because they do not disclose a lot of information, and there isn’t
necessarily a lot of talk involved, but males do find these relationships perfectly fulfilling.
Phillips and Woods noted that men often view friendships in terms of teams; having allies and team
members. In essence, they create their tight-knit circles of in and out-group members based on “team”
status. Part of this team status involves performing favors for each other and siding with one another.
It’s the whole “I’ve got your back” mentality. We should also note that males are more likely to be
friends with those who are the most like them: similar majors, similar religion, similar rungs of the social
hierarchy, similar socioeconomic status, similar attitudes, similar interests, etc. Research has even shown
that males are more likely to have male friends who are equally physically attractive. 45 One possible
explanation for this phenomenon is that males are more likely to develop relationships based on social
hierarchies. If attractive males are on a higher rung of a social hierarchy, then it’s not surprising that the
matching effect occurs. 46
“Friendship between a woman and a man? For many people, the idea is charming but improbable.” 47
William Rawlins originally wrote this sentence in 1993 at the start of a chapter about the problems
associated with opposite sex or opposite-sex friendships. What do you think? J. Donald O’Meara
discusses five distinct challenges that opposite-sex relationships have: emotional bond, sexuality,
inequality and power, public relationships, and opportunity structure. 48,49
Emotional Bond
First and foremost, in Western society females and males are raised to see the opposite sex as potential
romantic partners and not friends. One of the inherent problems with opposite-sex friendships is that
one of the friends may misinterpret the friendship as romantic. From an emotional sense, the question
that must be answered is how do friends develop a deep-emotional or even loving relationship with
someone of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, females are more likely than males to think this is possible.
William Rawlins did attempt to differentiate between five distinct love styles that could help distinguish
the types of emotional bonds possible: friendship, Platonic love, friendship love, physical love, and
romantic love. 50 First, friendship is “a voluntary, mutual, personal and affectionate relationship devoid
of expressed sexuality.” 51 Second, Platonic love is an even deeper sense of intimacy and emotional
commitment without sexual activity. Third, friendship love is the interplay between friendships and
sexual relationships. It’s often characterized by the use of the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” as
distinguishing characteristics to denote paired romantic attachments. Fourth, physical love tends to
involve high levels of sexual intimacy with love levels of relationship commitment. And finally, there’s
romantic love, or a relationship marked by exclusivity with regards to emotional attachment and sexual
activity. O’Meara correctly surmises that the challenge for opposite-sex friendships is finding that shared
sense of love without one partner slipping into one of the other four categories of love because often the
emotions associated with all five different types of love can be perceived similarly.
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