Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

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Image by jamesoladujoye from Pixabay Chapter 7 Talking and Listening We are constantly interacting with people. We interact with our family and friends. We interact with our teachers and peers at school. We interact with customer service representatives, office coworkers, physicians/therapists, and so many other different people in average day. Humans are inherently social beings, so talking and listening to each other is a huge part of what we all do day-to-day. 7.1 The Importance of Everyday Conversations Learning Outcomes 1. Realize the importance of conversation. 2. Recognize the motives and needs for interpersonal communication. 3. Discern conversation habits. Most of us spend a great deal of our day interacting with other people through what is known as a conversation. According to Judy Apps, the word “conversation” is comprised of the words con (with) Interpersonal Communication 218
and versare (turn): “conversation is turn and turnabout – you alternate.” 1 As such, a conversation isn’t a monologue or singular speech act; it’s a dyadic process where two people engage with one another in interaction that has multiple turns. Philosophers have been writing about the notion of the term “conversation” and its importance in society since the written word began. 2 For our purposes, we will leave the philosophizing to the philosophers and start with the underlying assumption that conversation is an important part of the interpersonal experience. Through conversations with others, we can build, maintain, and terminate relationships. Coming up with an academic definition for the term “conversation” is not an easy task. Instead, Donald Allen and Rebecca Guy offer the following explanation: “Conversation is the primary basis of direct social relations between persons. As a process occurring in real-time, conversation constitutes a reciprocal and rhythmic interchange of verbal emissions. It is a sharing process which develops a common social experience.” 3 From this explanation, a conversation is how people engage in social interaction in their day-to-day lives. From this perspective, a conversation is purely a verbal process. For our purposes, we prefer Susan Brennan’s definition: “Conversation is a joint activity in which two or more participants use linguistic forms and nonverbal signals to communicate interactively.” 4 Brennan does differentiate conversations, which can involve two or more people, from dialogues, which only involve two people. For our purposes, this distinction isn’t critical. What is essential is that conversations are one of the most common forms of interpersonal communication. There is growing concern that in today’s highly mediated world, the simple conversation is becoming a thing of the past. Sherry Turkle is one of the foremost researchers on how humans communicate using technology. She tells the story of an 18-year-old boy who uses texting for most of his fundamental interactions. The boy wistfully told Turkle, “Someday, someday, but certainly not now, I’d like to learn how to have a conversation.” 5 When she asks Millennials across the nation what’s wrong with holding a simple conversation: “I’ll tell you what’s wrong with having a conversation. It takes place in real-time and you can’t control what you’re going to say.” So that’s the bottom line. Texting, email, posting, all of these things let us present the self as we want to be. We get to edit, and that means we get to delete, and that means we get to retouch, the face, the voice, the flesh, the body–not too little, not too much, just right. 6 Is this the world we now live in? Have people become so addicted to their technology that holding a simple conversation is becoming passé? You should not take communication for granted. Reading this book, you will notice how much communication can be critical in our personal and professional lives. Communication is a vital component of our life. A few years ago, a prison decided to lessen the amount of communication inmates could have with each other. The prison administrators decided that they did not want inmates to share information. Yet, over time, the prisoners developed a way to communicate with each other using codes on walls and tapping out messages through pipes. Even when inmates were not allowed to talk to each other via face-to-face, they were still able to find other ways to communicate. 7 David Angle argues that conversations can be categorized based on directionality (one-way or twoway) and tone/purpose (cooperative or competitive). 8 One-way conversations are conversations where an individual is talking at the other person and not with the other person. Although these exchanges are technically conversations because of the inclusion of nonverbal feedback, one of the conversational 219 Interpersonal Communication
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Interpersonal Communication 1 In In
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Contents Preface ..................
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Organizing ........................
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Introversion/Extraversion .........
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Proxemics .........................
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Analyzing .........................
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Avoiders ..........................
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Solitary Survivor (Retired) .......
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Resource ..........................
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Reactions to Hurtful Messages .....
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Control, in, and of itself, is neit
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One of the inherent limitations of
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NACADA Journal (National Associatio
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day message family Now might relati
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“interpersonalness.” On the oth
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physical symptoms. It is vital for
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information with other people. We c
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etween serious versus non-serious i
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If, however, you’ve had a bad exp
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Religion can also impact what you v
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used to harsh language or foul lang
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Self-Monitoring The last characteri
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Today scholars view the term “int
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cable, satellite television, the Wo
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Towards a Mindfulness Model Shauna
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are). 4. L stands for love (being k
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The last facet of mindfulness is
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psychological in nature). Simply, t
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Real World Case Study Noam is a fre
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References 1 Bochner, A. P. (1989).
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Illuminating the theory & practice
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Image by Sasint from Pixabay Chapte
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As the arrow in Figure 2.1 indicate
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Discovering Self-Concept - Who are
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In another study, researchers sough
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Channel With advances in technology
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and just close your eyes. Focus on
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Figure 2.3a The Rubin Vase - based
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is normal behavior. We are so focus
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In this section, we have discussed
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The Shannon-Weaver model was critic
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MESSAGE Encoder Interpreter Decoder
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In 1970, Dean C. Barnlund created t
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As a receiver, you can keep trying
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of information from a source or sen
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The first statement in the credo fo
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feelings on this subject. When it c
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End of Chapter Quiz 1. Paul tells J
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20 Model. (2020). BusinessDictionar
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Image by johnhain from Pixabay Chap
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Thoughtful Conversely, the top ten
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The final characteristic of Rogers
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ased on facts. For example, many pe
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Mindfulness Activity One of the bea
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According to Simon, Vulture (‘vul
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• Is thinking this way helping me
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provided some interesting stories,
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1. Temperament is biologically dete
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Personality: • https://projects.f
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Neuroticism is the degree to which
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is a form of social organization wh
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Although relatively little research
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1. Lack of affect in interpersonal
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• Watch the following interview c
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sion-24 (PRCA-24). 75 If you have n
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gender (feminine males, masculine f
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tion sensitivity. In a set of thre
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7. Increased fear of rejection. 8.
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End of Chapter Key Terms • Affect
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etween self-esteem and communicatio
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https://psychcentral.com/lib/challe
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73 Buss, A. (2009). Anxious and sel
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119 Interpersonal Communication
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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
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ferent perceptions. The same thing
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Abstract Information Research Acade
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little “cuddle monster” because
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have perceptions about yourself. Th
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unique spellings of names. Names ca
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generally inflamed by this rhetoric
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We can decrease affiliation with ot
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The business world is full of jargo
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e in hot water Be in trouble. If yo
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she’s a doll full of beans full o
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types of improper language: vulgari
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doing this activity, try to be more
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Read Lastly, you should read regula
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Finally, this chapter discusses the
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References 1 Lakoff, R. T. (2001).
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expressions if everyone’s face wa
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meanings of crossing one’s arms.
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wife in high school. During a skit,
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Accenting is a form of nonverbal co
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daily lives, such as greeting, comf
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Instructions: Read the following qu
Page 193 and 194: Dysfluencies, Vocal Fillers, or Ver
Page 195 and 196: Proxemics is the study of communica
Page 197 and 198: of products available to enhance en
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Page 201 and 202: care for, and take pleasure in your
Page 203 and 204: As we’ve discussed with mindfulne
Page 205 and 206: Instructions: Please read each sent
Page 207 and 208: Second, individuals must believe no
Page 209 and 210: End of Chapter Key Terms • Accent
Page 211 and 212: References 1 Eckman, P and Friesen,
Page 213 and 214: 44 Ibid. 45 Richmond, V. P., Smith,
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Page 217 and 218: Figure 6.1 Traditional costumes and
Page 219 and 220: In addition to a dominant culture,
Page 221 and 222: 6.2 The Function of Culture Learnin
Page 223 and 224: cultural group(s). In the case of c
Page 225 and 226: Exercises • Think about a group t
Page 227 and 228: Geert Hofstede Another very importa
Page 229 and 230: U.S. is number 19 out of 76); where
Page 231 and 232: 80/17475759.2017.1292944 Stella Tin
Page 233 and 234: ideas to your co-culture. Does your
Page 235 and 236: Instructions: Read the following qu
Page 237 and 238: figure out where that stereotype ca
Page 239 and 240: One day Roy and Jalissa were hangin
Page 241 and 242: References Culture: A critical rev
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Page 247 and 248: Diatribe Lastly, Angle discusses th
Page 249 and 250: discourage self-disclosure) • Phy
Page 251 and 252: Entitlements and Enhancements The f
Page 253 and 254: can see in Figure 7.3, the Johari W
Page 255 and 256: process by which you interact with
Page 257 and 258: they have to say, we may end up bei
Page 259 and 260: If we achieve discriminative listen
Page 261 and 262: The final listening style is the ti
Page 263 and 264: Step Four: Now subtract B from C. P
Page 265 and 266: Positive Characteristics Give cues
Page 267 and 268: Ronald Adler, Lawrence Rosenfeld, a
Page 269 and 270: is used to show that you identify w
Page 271 and 272: make this situation better?” The
Page 273 and 274: women should behave in public. Wome
Page 275 and 276: End of Chapter Key Terms • Analyz
Page 277 and 278: References 1 Apps, J. (2014). The a
Page 279 and 280: conversation isn’t easy, but it i
Page 281 and 282: Image by ID 1715736 from Pixabay Ch
Page 283 and 284: you were to approach your mom, she
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Page 287 and 288: how to handle financial issues. So
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Page 293 and 294: Exercises • Find video clips onli
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This tension deals with self vs. ot
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deal with integration vs. separatio
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4. Picked up friends 5. Confirmed p
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possess a treasure trove of informa
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Ludic lovers view love as a game, a
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8.6 How Gender Affects Relationship
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Exercises • As a class, ask every
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End of Chapter Quiz 1. Picking a se
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26 Rosenfeld, L. B. (2000). Overvie
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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
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From this perspective, conflict is
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ly. Here are some examples of confl
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Feelings: Feelings tell us “how t
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Instead, people need to avoid these
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are moralistic judgments where we i
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Instructions: Read the following qu
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communicated with each other. Speci
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In 1958 social psychologist Herbert
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Legitimate The fourth base of power
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the power we have over others as we
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Interpretation Each of the four par
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Conflict Management Tactic Definiti
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think, listen, and then communicate
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aggressive. Conversely, you have to
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End of Chapter Key Terms • Accide
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5. Hodoya is a Canadian union leade
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nations and applications. Allyn & B
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Beverley Fehr was one of the first
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your friendships. Why did you decid
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interpersonal goals, while maintain
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On the other side, we do depend on
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1. When you’re with your friends,
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This does not discount the possibil
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if the time arises. are ones that
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they considered friends. Although n
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• Use criticism and insults as we
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the nature of gender differences an
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Sexuality The obvious next step in
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sex (and it appears that most do),
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universities, the government, and h
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it’s not mutual, then we’re not
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perspective for communication schol
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Friendship processes 2 Hruschka, D.
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Personal Relationships (pp. 391-410
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Image by Brad Dorsey from Pixabay C
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Statistical Definition of ‘Family
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almost anything to be considered a
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The fifth trait of a family deals w
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To further explain the concepts of
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Fork Pin Third Wheel First Wheel Ho
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communicate with others. Norms, on
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same end result using multiple star
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Genogram Symbols Basic Symbols Male
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Vader is a slightly distant father
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y social-construction or intra-psyc
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“dinks,” dual incomes, no kids.
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The typical final stage in the fami
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warmth are more likely to engage in
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sibling is a great way to enjoy eac
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11.4 Marriage Relationships Learnin
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Sharing The third dimension of marr
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overly assertive in their conflict
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Chapter Wrap-Up As we discussed at
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c. Genogram d. Genealogy tree 4. In
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25 Kerr, M. E., & Bowen, M. (1988).
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71 Umberson, D., Thomeer, M. B., Kr
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12.1 Technology and Communication L
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creation of a system that could all
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(Figure 12.4). The invention of IRC
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In this section, we’re going to d
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newspapers in the 1880s often used
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Third, netiquette attempts to gover
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Instructions: This set of questions
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her/him/themselves occupied (e.g.,
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themed posts. Pitcan, M., Marwick,
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ut the goal is to provide a space w
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Psychosocial Crisis Trust vs. Mistr
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and wanted to share a meme, but rea
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Even J. K. Rowling (of Harry Potter
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They found five basic reasons peopl
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those possible in traditional FtF i
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She decides to download the app and
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The History Channel. https:// www.h
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47 Bullingham, L., & Vasconcelos, A
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0.97 hours 1.06 hours 0.59 hours 0.
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had dealings with the EPA for $50 p
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• Encourage your coworkers to dem
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4. Noticing and letting go of your
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Characteristic Informal Formal Cont
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Have you ever been disrespectful in
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Fred Dansereau, George Graen, and W
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Research Spotlight In a 2019 articl
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The third followership style is the
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It’s always good to have a peer t
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Ability to Focus Have you ever foun
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marked by gradual changes that help
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personalistic focus. Instead of jus
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Key Takeaways • According to Patr
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Propinquity Interpersonal Attractio
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e terminated. Robert Quinn was the
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employment-related decisions withou
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This section, the most important of
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WRs they had engaged in, this motiv
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There are many books out there desi
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Sixth, we have the intrusive harass
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tends to be highly uncivil in the w
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ensure that the targets of the bull
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Key Terms • Career Strategizing
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4. At work, Stella has an inherent
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21 Ibid..; pg. 33. 22 Gagnon, M. A.
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work. Journal of Managerial Psychol
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Image by John Hain from Pixabay Cha
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Butterfield and Rebecca Chory-Assad
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accurately. is defined as using
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“Even in the closest, most satisf
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After exploring the types of hurtfu
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Current research indicates that rel
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the name-calling would be considere
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speculate that cyberbullying is wor
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Denial of due process in meetings D
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Jennifer Guthrie and Adrianne Kunke
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their experiences with two addition
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Internet infidelity, and hurtful me
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tion about the state of the relatio
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42 Aloia, L., & Solomon, D. (2013).
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Assertiveness Attending Attention A
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Conflict Confrontational Behaviors
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Emotional Loneliness Emotional Vamp
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Identification Ideology of traditio
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Kinesics Language Language Adaptati
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Norms Observing Oculesics Olfactics
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Representational Function Responsiv
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Sociocommunicative Orientation Soci
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Versatility Vocabulary Vocalics Wil
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