Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

time.
Think about your own life, what types of things do you keep hidden from others? One of the
reasons we keep things hidden is because it’s hard to open ourselves up to being vulnerable. Typically,
the hidden self will decrease as a relationship grows. However, if someone ever violates our trust and
discusses our hidden self with others, we are less likely to keep disclosing this information in the future. If
the trust violation is extreme enough, we may discontinue that relationship altogether.
Blind Self
The third quadrant is called the blind self because it’s what we don’t know about ourselves that is known
by others. For example, during an initial interaction, we may not know how the other person is reacting
to us. We may think that we’re coming off as friendly, but the other person may be perceiving us as shy
or even pushy. One way to decrease the blind self is by soliciting feedback from others. As others reveal
more of our blind selves, we can become more self-aware of how others perceive us.
One problem with the blind self is that how people view us and how we view ourselves can often be
radically different. For example, people may perceive you as cocky, but in reality, you’re scared to death.
It’s important to decrease the blind self during our interactions with others, because how people view us
will determine how they interact with us.
Unknown Self
Lastly, we have the unknown self, or when information is not known by ourselves or others. The
unknown self can include aptitudes/talents, attitudes/feelings, behaviors, capabilities, etc. that are
unknown to us or others. For example, you may have a natural talent to play the piano. Still, if you’ve
never sat down in front of a piano, neither you nor others would have any way of knowing that you have
the aptitude/talent for playing the piano. Sometimes parts of the unknown self are just under the surface
and will arise with time and in the right contexts, but other times no one will ever know these unknown
parts.
One other area that can affect the unknown self involves prior experiences. It’s possible that you
experienced a traumatic event that closes you down in a specific area. For example, imagine that you are
an amazing writer, but someone, when you were in the fourth grade, made fun of a story you wrote, so
you never tried writing again. In this case, the aptitude/talent for writing has been stamped out because
of that one traumatic experience as a child. Sadly, a lot of us probably have a range of aptitudes/talents,
attitudes/feelings, behaviors, capabilities, etc. that were stopped because of traumas throughout our lives.
Key Takeaways
We self-disclose to share information with others. It allows us to express our
thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Self-disclosure includes levels of disclosure, reciprocity in disclosure, and
appropriate disclosure.
There can be positive and negative consequences of self-disclosure. These
consequences can strengthen how you feel or create distance between you and
someone else.
The Johari Window is a model that helps to illustrate self-disclosure and the
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