Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

1. When you’re with your friends, are you truly present, or do you let distractions (e.g., your cell
phone, personal problems) get in the way of your interactions?
2. How often do you and your friends do new things, or are you stuck in a rut doing the same
activities over and over again?
3. When you’re with your friends, are you mindfully aware of your attention, intention, and attitude?
If not, what can you do to refocus yourself to be more present?
Key Takeaways
• William K. Rawlins proposed five specific characteristics of friendships: voluntary
(friendships are based on an individual’s free will), personal (we create our
friendships with individuals negotiating what those relationships look like with
that other individual), equality (friendships have a sense of balance that makes
them appear equal), involvement (both parties have to be mutually engaged in the
relationship), and affect (friendships involve emotional characteristics different
from other types of relationships).
• Two important communication variables impact friendship formation:
communication competence and CA. Individuals who have lower levels of
communication competence have fewer opportunities to make friends and actually
report lower overall satisfaction with their friendships. Individuals with CA are
less likely to engage in interactions with others, so they have fewer opportunities
to engage in friendships. Individuals with high levels of CA report having fewer
friendships and are more likely to list a family member as her/his/their best friend.
• Rawlins’ dialectical approach to communication breaks friendship down into two
large categories of dialectical tensions: contextual (private/public & ideal/real) and
interactional(independence/dependence, affection/instrumentality, judgment/
acceptance, and expressiveness/protectiveness). These dialectical tensions provide
friendship scholars a framework for understanding and discussing friendships.
Exercises
• Think about one of your current or past friendships. Examine that friendship
using Rawlins’ five characteristics of friendships: voluntary, personal, equality,
involvement, and affect.
• How has your communication competence or CA impacted your ability to develop
friendships? Also, what advice would you give to someone who has low levels of
communication competence or high levels of communication apprehension on
how to form friendships?
• Think about one of your current or past friendships. Use Rawlins friendship
dialectics to analyze this friendship (both contextual and interactional). After
analyzing your friendship, what do these dialectical tensions tell you about the
nature and quality of this friendship?
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Interpersonal Communication