Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

enefit certain things (i.e., trust or security). Third, the appropriateness and relevance to the situation
impacts what gets disclosed and what does not get disclosed. Fourth, disclosure depends on reciprocity.
Individuals will disclose similar amounts of information to each other.
The amount of disclosure that we are willing to share with others also depends on other factors. It is
based on honesty, depth, availability of information, and the environment.
First, when we disclose to others, we can truly reveal characteristics about ourselves, or we can lie.
In a recent study, it was found that most college students lie when initially meeting someone new for the
first time. The cause is because we want to impress others. A lot of deception occurs in online chatrooms
because sometimes people do not want to reveal who they really are, because of possible repercussions.
Depth is another factor of self-disclosure. When I talk to my parents, I can share hours of
information about my day with them. I can talk about all sorts of things with them. However, I have a
friend who is only willing to talk about the weather and what he ate with his parents. As you can see, the
depth of information is very different. One person only talks about superficial facts, and the other person
delves a lot deeper and is willing to discuss more themselves.
The availability of information has an impact as well. For instance, if you have more information on
a certain topic, you might be willing to share more comments on the matter. For instance, say you and
your friends are trying to decide which presidential candidate to support in the next election. You might
be more willing to self-disclose what you know about a candidate and your opinions about that candidate
based on your information. However, you might be less willing to comment on another candidate if you
don’t know their platform or background.
The context or environment also has an impact on self-disclosure. For instance, have you ever noticed
that people tend to open up about themselves when they are in a confined space, such as an airplane? It
is so interesting to see how people are willing to share personal information about themselves with a total
stranger only because the other person is doing it as well.
So, if you don’t want to self-disclose to others, what are some techniques that you can use? First, you
can use deception. Sometimes people lie simply to avoid conflict. This is true in cases where the person
may become extremely upset. They can lie to gain power or to save face. They can also lie to guide the
interaction.
Second, you can equivocate. This means you don’t answer the question or provide your comments.
Rather, you simply restated what they said differently. For instance, Sally says, “how do you like my new
dress?”, you can say “Wow! That’s a new outfit!” In this case, you don’t provide how you feel, and you
don’t disclose your opinion. You only offer the information that has been provided to you.
Third, you can hint. Perhaps, you don’t want to lie or equivocate to someone you care about. You
might use indirect or face-saving comments. For example, if your roommate has not helped you clean
your apartment, you might say things like, “It sure is messy in here” or “This place could really use some
cleaning.”
Key Takeaways
• Communication is personalized. It can be symmetrical or complementary.
Communication has two levels – content and relational.
• Relationship dialectics are tensions that happen in a relationship. Partners have to
Interpersonal Communication 270