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Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

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they considered friends. Although not all of these informants had kept these friendships, those who had,<br />

valued them highly.” 41<br />

<br />

The final friendship style discussed by Matthews is the acquisitive style. Acquisitives are “people who<br />

moved through their lives collecting a variety of friendships, allowing circumstances <strong>to</strong> make possible the<br />

meeting of likely candidates, but then, committing themselves <strong>to</strong> the friendships once they were made, at<br />

the very least for the period of time during which they and their friends were geographically proximate.” 42<br />

Unlike the independents, acquisitives discussed having close connections with all of the friends they’ve<br />

met, and unlike the discerning, acquisitives were open <strong>to</strong> developing new friendships throughout their<br />

lives. In essence, these individuals develop a strong, core group of friends as they go throughout their<br />

lives while acquiring new ones depending on changes within their lives.<br />

Good and Bad Friendships<br />

Another system for understanding friendships is <strong>to</strong> think of them with regard <strong>to</strong> two basic psychological<br />

constructs: health and enjoyment. First, is the relationship a healthy one for you <strong>to</strong> have? Although this is<br />

a concept that is more commonly discussed in romantic relationships, friendships can also be healthy or<br />

unhealthy (Table 10.2).<br />

Healthy<br />

Mutual respect<br />

Trust<br />

Honesty<br />

Support<br />

Fairness/Equality<br />

Separate Identities<br />

Open <strong>Communication</strong><br />

Playfulness/Fondness<br />

Self-Esteem Enhancing<br />

Fulfilling<br />

Acceptance<br />

Affectionate/Loving<br />

Comforting<br />

Genuine/Benevolent<br />

Beneficial<br />

Healthful<br />

Table 10.2 Healthy vs. Unhealthy Friendships<br />

Unhealthy<br />

Contempt<br />

Suspicion<br />

Untruthful<br />

Hinder<br />

Unjust/Inequity<br />

Intertwined Identities<br />

Closed <strong>Communication</strong><br />

Sober/Animus<br />

Self-Esteem Destroying<br />

Depressing<br />

Combative<br />

Cold/Indifferent<br />

Stressful<br />

Manipulative/Exploitive<br />

Damaging<br />

Toxic<br />

In addition <strong>to</strong> the health of a friendship, you must also question if the friendship is something that is<br />

ultimately enjoyable <strong>to</strong> you as a person. Does this friendship give you meaning of some kind? Ultimately,<br />

we can break this down in<strong>to</strong> four distinct types of friendship experiences people may have (Figure 10.5).<br />

341<br />

<strong>Interpersonal</strong> <strong>Communication</strong>

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