Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

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we interact with friends and perceive friendships. You may even have symbolic links to your friends: the nightclubs you went to, the courses you took together, the coffee shops you frequented, the movies you watched, etc. all are links back to that friendship. It’s also possible that the friendship ended on a positive note and you still periodically say hello on Facebook or during the holidays through card exchanges. Just as all friendships are unique, so are their experiences of post-friendship reality. Independent Acquisitive Friendships Change Because of Life Events Friendship Styles Beyond the stages of friendship development, different people develop different types of friendship throughout their lifetime. Sarah H. Matthews noted that ultimately people have three basic types of friendships: independent, discerning, and acquisitive (as seen in Figure 10.4). 39 In her study, Matthews found that independents often saw their friendships based on specific circumstances in their lives and not necessarily specific friends. When talking about friends, independents were more likely to about “people they knew” or “people they had known,” not reflecting on specific names. Independents were more likely to mention specific names when they talked about people they were interacting with currently. For example, independents talked about friends during periods of their life (e.g., elementary school, junior high/middle-school, high school, college) and not about specific people they knew for long periods of life. Matthews argues that independents framed their concepts of friendships regarding major life events. They also never reported having a close, special, or best friend relationship, so during periods of major life events, they didn’t have specific commitments to the people they called “friends.” Independents were also more likely to talk about friends as a general concept instead of specific friends. Comparing independents to the stages of friendship discussed by Rawlins, you can consider these to be more along the lines of “friendly relations.” Matthews chose the term “independents” because it reflects a more autonomous state, “It was clear that most of them were not isolated people, but instead considered themselves to be sufficient unto themselves.” 40 Discerning Figure 10.4 Friendship Styles Friendships are Committed and Longterm The second type of friendship discussed by Matthews was the discerning style, which, unlike independents, is marked by a deep connection with a friend or group of friends regardless of changing circumstances in their lives. These friendships are marked by deep commitment and longevity, which also means that when a discerning person loses a friend, they are the most likely to experience a deep sense of loss in their lives. Discerners were also more likely to draw clear lines between friendly relations and friendship. Overall, “the discerning identified … only a very few people throughout their lives whom Interpersonal Communication 340
they considered friends. Although not all of these informants had kept these friendships, those who had, valued them highly.” 41 The final friendship style discussed by Matthews is the acquisitive style. Acquisitives are “people who moved through their lives collecting a variety of friendships, allowing circumstances to make possible the meeting of likely candidates, but then, committing themselves to the friendships once they were made, at the very least for the period of time during which they and their friends were geographically proximate.” 42 Unlike the independents, acquisitives discussed having close connections with all of the friends they’ve met, and unlike the discerning, acquisitives were open to developing new friendships throughout their lives. In essence, these individuals develop a strong, core group of friends as they go throughout their lives while acquiring new ones depending on changes within their lives. Good and Bad Friendships Another system for understanding friendships is to think of them with regard to two basic psychological constructs: health and enjoyment. First, is the relationship a healthy one for you to have? Although this is a concept that is more commonly discussed in romantic relationships, friendships can also be healthy or unhealthy (Table 10.2). Healthy Mutual respect Trust Honesty Support Fairness/Equality Separate Identities Open Communication Playfulness/Fondness Self-Esteem Enhancing Fulfilling Acceptance Affectionate/Loving Comforting Genuine/Benevolent Beneficial Healthful Table 10.2 Healthy vs. Unhealthy Friendships Unhealthy Contempt Suspicion Untruthful Hinder Unjust/Inequity Intertwined Identities Closed Communication Sober/Animus Self-Esteem Destroying Depressing Combative Cold/Indifferent Stressful Manipulative/Exploitive Damaging Toxic In addition to the health of a friendship, you must also question if the friendship is something that is ultimately enjoyable to you as a person. Does this friendship give you meaning of some kind? Ultimately, we can break this down into four distinct types of friendship experiences people may have (Figure 10.5). 341 Interpersonal Communication
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Interpersonal Communication 1 In In
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Contents Preface ..................
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Organizing ........................
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Introversion/Extraversion .........
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Proxemics .........................
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Analyzing .........................
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Avoiders ..........................
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Solitary Survivor (Retired) .......
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Resource ..........................
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Reactions to Hurtful Messages .....
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Control, in, and of itself, is neit
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One of the inherent limitations of
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NACADA Journal (National Associatio
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day message family Now might relati
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“interpersonalness.” On the oth
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physical symptoms. It is vital for
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information with other people. We c
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etween serious versus non-serious i
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If, however, you’ve had a bad exp
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Religion can also impact what you v
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used to harsh language or foul lang
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Self-Monitoring The last characteri
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Today scholars view the term “int
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cable, satellite television, the Wo
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Towards a Mindfulness Model Shauna
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are). 4. L stands for love (being k
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The last facet of mindfulness is
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psychological in nature). Simply, t
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Real World Case Study Noam is a fre
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References 1 Bochner, A. P. (1989).
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Illuminating the theory & practice
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Image by Sasint from Pixabay Chapte
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As the arrow in Figure 2.1 indicate
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Discovering Self-Concept - Who are
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In another study, researchers sough
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Channel With advances in technology
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and just close your eyes. Focus on
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Figure 2.3a The Rubin Vase - based
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is normal behavior. We are so focus
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In this section, we have discussed
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The Shannon-Weaver model was critic
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MESSAGE Encoder Interpreter Decoder
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In 1970, Dean C. Barnlund created t
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As a receiver, you can keep trying
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of information from a source or sen
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The first statement in the credo fo
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feelings on this subject. When it c
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End of Chapter Quiz 1. Paul tells J
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20 Model. (2020). BusinessDictionar
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Image by johnhain from Pixabay Chap
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Thoughtful Conversely, the top ten
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The final characteristic of Rogers
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ased on facts. For example, many pe
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Mindfulness Activity One of the bea
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According to Simon, Vulture (‘vul
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• Is thinking this way helping me
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provided some interesting stories,
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1. Temperament is biologically dete
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Personality: • https://projects.f
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Neuroticism is the degree to which
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is a form of social organization wh
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Although relatively little research
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1. Lack of affect in interpersonal
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• Watch the following interview c
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sion-24 (PRCA-24). 75 If you have n
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gender (feminine males, masculine f
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tion sensitivity. In a set of thre
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7. Increased fear of rejection. 8.
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End of Chapter Key Terms • Affect
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etween self-esteem and communicatio
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https://psychcentral.com/lib/challe
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73 Buss, A. (2009). Anxious and sel
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119 Interpersonal Communication
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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
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ferent perceptions. The same thing
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Abstract Information Research Acade
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little “cuddle monster” because
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have perceptions about yourself. Th
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unique spellings of names. Names ca
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generally inflamed by this rhetoric
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We can decrease affiliation with ot
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The business world is full of jargo
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e in hot water Be in trouble. If yo
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she’s a doll full of beans full o
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types of improper language: vulgari
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doing this activity, try to be more
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Read Lastly, you should read regula
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Finally, this chapter discusses the
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References 1 Lakoff, R. T. (2001).
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expressions if everyone’s face wa
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meanings of crossing one’s arms.
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wife in high school. During a skit,
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Accenting is a form of nonverbal co
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daily lives, such as greeting, comf
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Instructions: Read the following qu
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Dysfluencies, Vocal Fillers, or Ver
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Proxemics is the study of communica
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of products available to enhance en
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_____9. _____10. I think my metabol
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care for, and take pleasure in your
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As we’ve discussed with mindfulne
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Instructions: Please read each sent
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Second, individuals must believe no
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End of Chapter Key Terms • Accent
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References 1 Eckman, P and Friesen,
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44 Ibid. 45 Richmond, V. P., Smith,
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Figure 6.1 Traditional costumes and
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In addition to a dominant culture,
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6.2 The Function of Culture Learnin
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cultural group(s). In the case of c
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Exercises • Think about a group t
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Geert Hofstede Another very importa
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U.S. is number 19 out of 76); where
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80/17475759.2017.1292944 Stella Tin
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ideas to your co-culture. Does your
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Instructions: Read the following qu
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figure out where that stereotype ca
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One day Roy and Jalissa were hangin
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References Culture: A critical rev
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and versare (turn): “conversation
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Diatribe Lastly, Angle discusses th
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discourage self-disclosure) • Phy
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Entitlements and Enhancements The f
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can see in Figure 7.3, the Johari W
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process by which you interact with
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they have to say, we may end up bei
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If we achieve discriminative listen
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The final listening style is the ti
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Step Four: Now subtract B from C. P
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Positive Characteristics Give cues
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Ronald Adler, Lawrence Rosenfeld, a
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is used to show that you identify w
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make this situation better?” The
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women should behave in public. Wome
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End of Chapter Key Terms • Analyz
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References 1 Apps, J. (2014). The a
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conversation isn’t easy, but it i
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Image by ID 1715736 from Pixabay Ch
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you were to approach your mom, she
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curvaceous ideal of Marilyn Monroe
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how to handle financial issues. So
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stage, we are primarily interested
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partners disagree about what is opt
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Exercises • Find video clips onli
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This tension deals with self vs. ot
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deal with integration vs. separatio
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4. Picked up friends 5. Confirmed p
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possess a treasure trove of informa
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Ludic lovers view love as a game, a
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8.6 How Gender Affects Relationship
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Exercises • As a class, ask every
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End of Chapter Quiz 1. Picking a se
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26 Rosenfeld, L. B. (2000). Overvie
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Page 315 and 316: Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Page 317 and 318: From this perspective, conflict is
Page 319 and 320: ly. Here are some examples of confl
Page 321 and 322: Feelings: Feelings tell us “how t
Page 323 and 324: Instead, people need to avoid these
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Page 327 and 328: Instructions: Read the following qu
Page 329 and 330: communicated with each other. Speci
Page 331 and 332: In 1958 social psychologist Herbert
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Page 337 and 338: Interpretation Each of the four par
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Page 341 and 342: think, listen, and then communicate
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Page 345 and 346: End of Chapter Key Terms • Accide
Page 347 and 348: 5. Hodoya is a Canadian union leade
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Page 353 and 354: Beverley Fehr was one of the first
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Page 357 and 358: interpersonal goals, while maintain
Page 359 and 360: On the other side, we do depend on
Page 361 and 362: 1. When you’re with your friends,
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Page 365: if the time arises. are ones that
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Page 373 and 374: Sexuality The obvious next step in
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Page 383 and 384: Friendship processes 2 Hruschka, D.
Page 385 and 386: Personal Relationships (pp. 391-410
Page 387 and 388: Image by Brad Dorsey from Pixabay C
Page 389 and 390: Statistical Definition of ‘Family
Page 391 and 392: almost anything to be considered a
Page 393 and 394: The fifth trait of a family deals w
Page 395 and 396: To further explain the concepts of
Page 397 and 398: Fork Pin Third Wheel First Wheel Ho
Page 399 and 400: communicate with others. Norms, on
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Page 403 and 404: Genogram Symbols Basic Symbols Male
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Page 407 and 408: y social-construction or intra-psyc
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11.4 Marriage Relationships Learnin
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Sharing The third dimension of marr
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overly assertive in their conflict
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Chapter Wrap-Up As we discussed at
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c. Genogram d. Genealogy tree 4. In
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25 Kerr, M. E., & Bowen, M. (1988).
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71 Umberson, D., Thomeer, M. B., Kr
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12.1 Technology and Communication L
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creation of a system that could all
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(Figure 12.4). The invention of IRC
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In this section, we’re going to d
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newspapers in the 1880s often used
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Third, netiquette attempts to gover
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Instructions: This set of questions
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her/him/themselves occupied (e.g.,
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themed posts. Pitcan, M., Marwick,
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ut the goal is to provide a space w
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Psychosocial Crisis Trust vs. Mistr
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and wanted to share a meme, but rea
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Even J. K. Rowling (of Harry Potter
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They found five basic reasons peopl
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those possible in traditional FtF i
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She decides to download the app and
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The History Channel. https:// www.h
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47 Bullingham, L., & Vasconcelos, A
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0.97 hours 1.06 hours 0.59 hours 0.
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had dealings with the EPA for $50 p
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• Encourage your coworkers to dem
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4. Noticing and letting go of your
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Characteristic Informal Formal Cont
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Have you ever been disrespectful in
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Fred Dansereau, George Graen, and W
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Research Spotlight In a 2019 articl
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The third followership style is the
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It’s always good to have a peer t
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Ability to Focus Have you ever foun
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marked by gradual changes that help
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personalistic focus. Instead of jus
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Key Takeaways • According to Patr
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Propinquity Interpersonal Attractio
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e terminated. Robert Quinn was the
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employment-related decisions withou
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This section, the most important of
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WRs they had engaged in, this motiv
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There are many books out there desi
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Sixth, we have the intrusive harass
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tends to be highly uncivil in the w
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ensure that the targets of the bull
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Key Terms • Career Strategizing
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4. At work, Stella has an inherent
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21 Ibid..; pg. 33. 22 Gagnon, M. A.
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work. Journal of Managerial Psychol
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Image by John Hain from Pixabay Cha
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Butterfield and Rebecca Chory-Assad
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accurately. is defined as using
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“Even in the closest, most satisf
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After exploring the types of hurtfu
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Current research indicates that rel
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the name-calling would be considere
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speculate that cyberbullying is wor
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Denial of due process in meetings D
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Jennifer Guthrie and Adrianne Kunke
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their experiences with two addition
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Internet infidelity, and hurtful me
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tion about the state of the relatio
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42 Aloia, L., & Solomon, D. (2013).
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Assertiveness Attending Attention A
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Conflict Confrontational Behaviors
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Emotional Loneliness Emotional Vamp
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Identification Ideology of traditio
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Kinesics Language Language Adaptati
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Norms Observing Oculesics Olfactics
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Representational Function Responsiv
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Sociocommunicative Orientation Soci
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Versatility Vocabulary Vocalics Wil
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