Interpersonal Communication- A Mindful Approach to Relationships, 2020a

• Is thinking this way helping me to feel good or to achieve my goals?
• What can I do that will help me solve the problem?
• Is there something I can learn from this situation, to help me do it better next time? 26
So, next time those vultures start circling you, check that negative self-talk. When we can stop these
patterns of negativity towards ourselves and practice self-compassion, we can start plucking the feathers
of those vultures. The more we treat ourselves with self-compassion and work against those vulture
statements, the smaller and smaller those vultures get. Our vultures may never die, but we can make
them much, much smaller.
Research Spotlight
In 2018, Laura Umphrey and John Sherblom examined the relationship between
social communication competence, self-compassion, and hope. The goal of the
study was to see if someone’s social communication competence could predict their
ability to engage in self-compassion. Ultimately, the researchers found individuals
who engaged in socially competent communication behaviors were more likely to
engage in self-compassion, which “suggests that a person who can learn to speak with
others competently, initiate conversations, engage others in social interaction, and be
more outgoing, while managing verbal behavior and social roles, may also experience
greater personal self-compassion” (p. 29).
Umphrey, L. R., & Sherblom, J. C. (2018). The constitutive relationship of social
communication competence to self-compassion and hope. Communication Research Reports, 35(1), 22–32.
https://doi.org/10.1080/08824096.2017.1361395
Research
Key Takeaways
• Self-concept is an individual’s belief about themself, including the person’s
attributes and who and what the self is. Conversely, self-esteem is an individual’s
subjective evaluation of their abilities and limitations.
• Sociologist Charles Horton Cooley coined the term “looking-glass self” to refer
to the idea that an individual’s self-concept is a reflection of how an individual
imagines how he or she appears to other people. In other words, humans are
constantly comparing themselves to how they believe others view them.
• There is an interrelationship between an individual’s self-esteem and her/his/
their communication. In essence, an individual’s self-esteem impacts how they
communicate with others, and this communication with others impacts their selfesteem.
Exercises
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• Pull out a piece of paper and conduct the “Who Am I?” exercise created by
Manford Kuhn. Once you have completed the exercise, categorize your list using
Interpersonal Communication