Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

94 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
the intermittent negative event that the receivers are cautiously
watching out for. It is the same psychological factor that happens in
gambling. People are poised to win the next time on a slot machine,
either the 5 th , 50 th , or 500 th time. Because it is intermittent or unpredictable,
the whole time they are focused and ready to win at any
moment. With an unpredictable outburst, dropped task, or uncommunicated
mistake, the followers can be poised or looking for the
next possible mishap versus looking for opportunities for growth or
innovation.
This awareness of which trust component is causing the mistrust
helps the leader or direct reports have a target on what to
correct or monitor. Often it is the old adage of under promise and
over deliver.
QUESTIONS AND ACTION APPLICATIONS
• Rate yourself on the three trust components, 1-10 where 10
is high.
• Which ones do you need to focus on the most?
• Ask your boss, co-workers, and significant others to rate you
on the three.
• Where do you see commonality and where do you see
differences?
• What are your next steps to improve here?
2. AFFECT LABELING
For decades, psychologists, counselors, priests, and educators
have been helping people identify or label their feelings. For
example, a counselor might say, “You must be very sad about your
loss.” Now we know from new research using the functional MRI
that labeling these feelings helps reduce their intensity and return
some of the activity back to the prefrontal cortex, resulting in more
cognitive control. This identification can help the individual accept