Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

COMMUNICATION AND EMPATHY TOOLS AND STRATEGIES 261
▲ “What are you thinking about doing next?”
▲ Or, “Tell me what is making you so frustrated.”
This one is much better.
QUADRANT 2: FEELINGS ARE KNOWN TO SELF AND OTHERS
BUT ARE UNEXPRESSED
• Observe body language: Do you pick up any gestures or
poses that may illuminate what is going on for this person?
Slumped body, low voice, flat affect, irritated when talking?
• Ask questions: Try to understand what is happening for
the other person by inquiring. “You seem down today. What
is going on?” “You seem tense today. Can I help you with
anything?”
• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes: If you were in
the same situation, what might you be feeling? “If I were in
your situation, I would be feeling overwhelmed. How is this
for you?”
QUADRANT 3: FEELINGS ARE NOT KNOWN TO SELF, BUT ARE
KNOWN TO OTHERS AND UNEXPRESSED
• This is known as a “blind spot”: Ask the person if he
or she wants some feedback and use the SSBIR Feedback
model on pages 284-289. It is ideal if you make the issue part
of his or her development plan.
• Be sensitive. Do not pry: Remember, you can make a
mental note of what is going on for the person and bring it
up at another, more appropriate time. “I noticed the other
day in the meeting that you were unusually quiet. What was
going on for you?”
• Observe body language: Do you pick up anything that
may get at what is going on for this person? Slumped body,
low voice, flat affect, irritated when talking?