Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

122 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
• Keep track of the times you have stopped being on your case
and then redirected yourself to being on your side.
• What is most difficult about being on your side?
• What helps you to be on your side?
• Keep track in your planner of the percentage of time you are
on your side each day, 1-100.
2. REFLECTIONS ON THINKING
When we reflect on our thinking, we usually ask ourselves a
series of questions, such as: What am I going to do about this proj ect?
Why is my co-worker so uncooperative? Why did I get passed over
at the last promotion?
This is an unconscious process that stimulates the answers. The
brain has been compared to a computer, even though it is far more
complex. When we ask ourselves a question, our brain runs through
its fi les to bring up an answer on our screen of awareness. We take
this answer as a fact and move forward without questioning the process.
If we ask ourselves poor or unconstructive questions, we will
get answers that are negative and not helpful or proactive.
Part of being more confident is to be awake and aware when you
ask yourself internal questions. When you pay more attention, you
may notice that the questions often catalyze a cascade of negative
responses and a familiar pattern of Being on Your Case. Your questions
can “lead the witness” with inferences that a judge wouldn’t
allow in a court of law. The famous “When did you stop beating your
wife?” is an example of getting stuck in a nasty loop. Unfortunately,
when we ask ourselves self-deprecating questions we rarely come
back with an “objection” to the kind of negative answer that comes
up. Nor do we consider the fact that this knee-jerk answer may not
be true and is simply a reflection of how we have programmed ourselves
in the past.