Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

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EMOTIONAL SELF-CONTROL TOOLS AND STRATEGIES 95 and normalize what he or she is feeling. The feelings are cognitively reappraised or reframed and thus less aroused. This is called affect labeling. Dr. Matt Lieberman and colleagues scanned the brains of 30 people—18 women and 12 men between the ages of 18 and 36—who were shown pictures of faces expressing strong emotions. What they found is that when people attached a word like angry to an angry-looking face, the response in the amygdala portion of the brain that handles fear, panic, and other strong emotions decreased. Lieberman states, “This seems to dampen down the response in these basic emotional circuits in the brain. What lights up instead is the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex, part of the brain that controls impulses.” 16 So, one way to gain back your lost IQ points is to label your feelings. We tell clients they need to name the feeling, normalize it, and nurture a new direction or action. In Alcoholics Anonymous they help people manage their emotions with the statement “you have to name it to tame it.” Neuroscientists tell us the brain changes with attention and focus as these can change what parts of the brain are being activated. Chapter 6 offers tools to practice affect labeling and listen with empathy. QUESTIONS AND ACTION APPLICATIONS • Try naming your emotions many times in the day to develop a refi ned language of your feelings. There are many feeling word lists that help you get beyond the preliminary level of bad, mad, sad, and glad. • Practice the Level 3 Listening in Chapter 6. • Notice what patterns you see in the most common feelings you experience. • Which range of feelings don’t you experience often?
96 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 3. THE EMOTIONAL AUDIT A leadership tool that can help with both self-awareness and self-management is called the Emotional Audit. It is designed to ask strategic questions that can change the focus when a person is emotionally charged or about to get hijacked. When you are counting to 10 to calm down, ask these questions to better direct your brain’s thinking. This audit is helpful, especially if you are feeling “triggered” by someone or something. Wait five seconds until you get an answer to each question. To build your self-awareness and self-management, use the audit numerous times during the day. You may notice certain patterns in what triggers you, how you are feeling, and how you get in your own way as a result of unmanaged emotions. Below are the strategic Emotional Audit questions along with explanations of the hypothesized brain components that may be accessed by asking yourself these questions. The goal is to refocus activity away from the amygdala and “light up” other areas of the brain to gain more cognitive control and give you constructive options and direction. The first two questions access and label your thoughts and emotions. The third question makes your intentions conscious. The fourth question evaluates your actions in line with your intentions. Patterns of how you get in your own way may emerge. The last question takes in all this new conscious data and allows you to better direct your brain and actions toward the goals you want to achieve. The more you practice the Emotional Audit the easier it will become, and you will see patterns emerging. I imagine you will get the same two or three answers to the fi rst four questions each time you ask them. This acute awareness will give you more information, control, and self-management to generate better solutions with the fi fth question, “What do I need to do differently now?” Making a few subtle changes can move you into the top 10% of performance.
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PRAISE FOR LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL I
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“Leading with Emotional Intellige
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“Dr. Reldan Nadler has provided a
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LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
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This book is dedicated to Martin S.
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CONTENTS PREFACE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS IN
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CONTENTS xiii CHAPTER THREE: SELF-C
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CONTENTS xv Experiential Teambuildi
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CONTENTS xvii 3. White Space Issues
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PREFACE As a psychologist doing exe
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Iwould like to firs
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INTRODUCTION WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIG
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INTRODUCTION 3 All of us have exper
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INTRODUCTION 5 LEADERS’ CONSEQUEN
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INTRODUCTION 7 Great leaders, like
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INTRODUCTION 9 ativity, and decisio
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INTRODUCTION 11 the Emotional Quoti
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INTRODUCTION 13 all point to the pa
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INTRODUCTION 15 ▲ What can I do a
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CHAPTER ONE ARE YOU A STAR PERFORME
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ARE YOU A STAR PERFORMER OR JUST AV
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CHAPTER FIVE DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOL
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DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOLS AND STRATEG
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CHAPTER SIX COMMUNICATION AND EMPAT
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COMMUNICATION AND EMPATHY TOOLS AND
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CHAPTER SEVEN THE GAME PLAN Great l
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THE GAME PLAN 305 • Key executive
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THE GAME PLAN 307 4. Success Rules:
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THE GAME PLAN 309 10. Focus on Stre
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THE GAME PLAN 311 5. What will keep
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THE GAME PLAN 313 MONTH: YEAR: WEEK
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NOTES INTRODUCTION 1. W. Bennis,
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NOTES 317 24. M. Buffett and D. Cla
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NOTES 319 86. M. Buckingham, The On
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NOTES 321 CHAPTER FOUR 1. H. A. Elf
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BIBLIOGRAPHY Alexander, J. “From
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 325 Everts, D. “Carl
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 327 Maslow, A. Toward
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES The following
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES 331 EQ Univers
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INDEX Accountability and consequenc
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INDEX 335 Derailers of Bill Clinton
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INDEX 337 Le Doux, Joseph, 86 Leade
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INDEX 339 eight strategies for, 92-
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Reldan S. Nadl
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HOW TO ENGAGE THE AUTHOR TO BRING E
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