Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

SELF-CONFIDENCE TOOLS AND STRATEGIES 129
• Is your evaluation system faulty?
• How is it faulty? (e.g., too rigid, uncompromising, etc.)
• What percentage of the time are you on your case after a
performance?
• Refer back to some of the strategies from “Being on Your
Case vs. Being on Your Side” on pages 117-122 to redirect
your evaluations and self-talk.
• Once you have turned your evaluation into a learning experience,
what is your plan for not getting into the Perfection
Loop next time?
• How can you get others to support you?
• Who can give you feedback when they see you stuck in the
loop?
• How will you know that you are listening?
4. SUCCESS RULES: WHO IS RUNNING YOU?
In this strategy, the objective is to become aware of your rules
for being successful. All of us have them, but often they were made
a long time ago and are outdated, too rigid, or over-generalized. It
is like we have a nine-year-old inside of us who dictates what we
should do and how. That is the age when we were becoming more
on our own and trying to manage ourselves to get the best results.
We made guidelines for ourselves such as:
• “Stay out of trouble.”
• “Be polite to others.”
• “Don’t say anything stupid.”
• “Don’t make others upset.”
• “Don’t ever be satisfied.”
• “Confidence is bragging.”