Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

118 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
• Because everything seems to be less than they had hoped,
they are miserable, tense, and unhappy.
• Unconsciously they treat others the same way they treat
themselves—overly critical, picky, negative, and never
satisfied.
Most leaders who are hard on themselves are blinded to the
problems inherent in their leadership style. Sometimes they require
strong language (!) to alert them to the serious impact this kind of
pattern has on their ultimate performance and well-being. If you
recognize yourself in the above profi le, answer a simple question:
What percentage of the time are you on your case instead of on your
side? Use a scale of 1-100. You can tell if you or others have a faulty
evaluation system if after every performance you establish that you
should have had:
• Better effort
• Higher quality
• Faster delivery
The manifestation of this kind of attitude is typically feeling
scolded by yourself for failing to live up to your abilities. It’s
almost like you take out your whip and begin snapping yourself
into shape. You may even say or think: “How could I be so stupid?
When am I going to fi nally learn? What is wrong with me?” More,
better, faster, more, better, faster . . . becomes an automatic negative
self-evaluation system.
ANDREA’S STORY
Andrea was an executive in an agency and constantly felt she
was behind in everything she was doing—emails went unanswered,
voicemails were not returned, one-on-ones with staff were cancelled
or rescheduled. Her evaluation system was harsh and unforgiving in
spite of many of the positive things she was initiating at the agency.
Andrea often spent her first moments with an employee apologizing