Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

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COMMUNICATION AND EMPATHY TOOLS AND STRATEGIES 263 Leaders benefit greatly by training in Level 3 and Level 4 listening. Here is an example: Susan is Vice President of Marketing for a California Internet health products company that just acquired a smaller company that manufactures unique items to add to her company’s line. She will be picking up three new direct reports from the acquired company. In addition, Susan has a family of three kids and a husband, who also works. Susan has been asked to assess the new company’s marketing staff back at their home offices in North Carolina. She has a brief talk with her boss, Helen. Susan: “I am not looking forward to this trip. I am on total overwhelm and feel pulled in so many different directions between my staff, the new people, and my family. I’m sunk because I feel like I can’t please all of them and I’m really upset because my son’s game is Friday and I have to be on a plane that day.” Helen can come back with any of the following four levels of Listening and Response. LEVEL 1: PARAPHRASE CONTENT “You have a lot on your plate. Can you take another fl ight?” LEVEL 2: PARAPHRASE FEELINGS “You seem very stressed and upset.” LEVEL 3: PARAPHRASE FEELINGS AND CONTENT “You seem very overwhelmed and stressed with trying to please your team, the new staff, plus your family. You also seem disappointed that you will miss your son’s game.” LEVEL 4: PARAPHRASE FEELINGS, CONTENT, AND MEANING “You seem very overwhelmed and stressed with trying to please your team, the new staff, plus your family. You are afraid that someone will be upset and let down. It is hard for you to not be all things to all people.”
264 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE For you to be a Star Performer in Empathy, the majority of your responses should be coming from Level 3, highlighting the content and the other person’s dominant feelings. Level 4 is even better because it goes deeper and incorporates patterns and themes that you know about the person. QUESTIONS AND ACTION APPLICATIONS • Practice Level 3 responses with your family and children. • Then practice Level 3 responses with your team or staff. • Teach your staff the Level 3 responses and provide a practice session. • Use Level 3 responses with your clients or customers. • Do you feel you are getting more adept at reading into others’ unexpressed emotions? • Evaluate your empathy skills weekly and ask a trusted colleague or direct report if he or she feels you are demonstrating a good understanding of the person. 2. LISTENING AND RAPPORT-BUILDING SKILLS Stephen Covey says, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” This is one reason many people and leaders are poor listeners. Empathy is the foundation of listening, and this section presents listening strategies and tips to help you become a Star in Communication and Empathy. THINKING INSTEAD OF LISTENING: The average person can speak at about 150 words per minute but can think a lot faster, between 450 and 600 words a minute. There is obviously plenty of room to multi-think with your mind busy chattering away while socalled listening. For example, while you are sitting at a meeting, this
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PRAISE FOR LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL I
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“Leading with Emotional Intellige
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“Dr. Reldan Nadler has provided a
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LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
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This book is dedicated to Martin S.
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CONTENTS PREFACE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS IN
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CONTENTS xiii CHAPTER THREE: SELF-C
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CONTENTS xv Experiential Teambuildi
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CONTENTS xvii 3. White Space Issues
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PREFACE As a psychologist doing exe
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Iwould like to firs
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INTRODUCTION WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIG
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INTRODUCTION 3 All of us have exper
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INTRODUCTION 5 LEADERS’ CONSEQUEN
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INTRODUCTION 7 Great leaders, like
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INTRODUCTION 9 ativity, and decisio
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INTRODUCTION 11 the Emotional Quoti
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INTRODUCTION 13 all point to the pa
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INTRODUCTION 15 ▲ What can I do a
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CHAPTER ONE ARE YOU A STAR PERFORME
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ARE YOU A STAR PERFORMER OR JUST AV
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CHAPTER TWO EMOTIONAL SELF-CONTROL
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EMOTIONAL SELF-CONTROL TOOLS AND ST
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CHAPTER THREE SELF-CONFIDENCE TOOLS
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SELF-CONFIDENCE TOOLS AND STRATEGIE
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CHAPTER FOUR TEAMWORK AND COLLABORA
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TEAMWORK AND COLLABORATION TOOLS AN
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CHAPTER FIVE DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOL
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DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOLS AND STRATEG
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Page 326 and 327: CHAPTER SEVEN THE GAME PLAN Great l
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THE GAME PLAN 313 MONTH: YEAR: WEEK
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NOTES INTRODUCTION 1. W. Bennis,
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NOTES 317 24. M. Buffett and D. Cla
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NOTES 319 86. M. Buckingham, The On
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NOTES 321 CHAPTER FOUR 1. H. A. Elf
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BIBLIOGRAPHY Alexander, J. “From
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 325 Everts, D. “Carl
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 327 Maslow, A. Toward
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES The following
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES 331 EQ Univers
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INDEX Accountability and consequenc
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INDEX 335 Derailers of Bill Clinton
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INDEX 337 Le Doux, Joseph, 86 Leade
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INDEX 339 eight strategies for, 92-
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Reldan S. Nadl
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HOW TO ENGAGE THE AUTHOR TO BRING E
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