Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

264 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
For you to be a Star Performer in Empathy, the majority of your
responses should be coming from Level 3, highlighting the content
and the other person’s dominant feelings. Level 4 is even better
because it goes deeper and incorporates patterns and themes that
you know about the person.
QUESTIONS AND ACTION APPLICATIONS
• Practice Level 3 responses with your family and children.
• Then practice Level 3 responses with your team or staff.
• Teach your staff the Level 3 responses and provide a
practice session.
• Use Level 3 responses with your clients or customers.
• Do you feel you are getting more adept at reading into
others’ unexpressed emotions?
• Evaluate your empathy skills weekly and ask a trusted
colleague or direct report if he or she feels you are
demonstrating a good understanding of the person.
2. LISTENING AND RAPPORT-BUILDING SKILLS
Stephen Covey says, “Most people do not listen with the intent
to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
This is one reason many people and leaders are poor listeners.
Empathy is the foundation of listening, and this section presents listening
strategies and tips to help you become a Star in Communication
and Empathy.
THINKING INSTEAD OF LISTENING: The average person can
speak at about 150 words per minute but can think a lot faster,
between 450 and 600 words a minute. There is obviously plenty of
room to multi-think with your mind busy chattering away while socalled
listening. For example, while you are sitting at a meeting, this