Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

258 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
4. Listeners are constantly constructing or “storymaking.”
That means they are always interpreting what you say.
5. Your words are transformed or reorganized to fit into the
listener’s personal story or preconceived idea of you and/or
similar situations.
. . . the likely
outcome of your
communication
is that you will be
misunderstood,
and therefore
you need to
be very clear,
deliberate, and
focused in your
communication.
6. There will be more than one story. Each
listener will create his or her own.
7. The story that is created from your communication
determines the meaning,
not what you actually say.
8. It is the story, not what you say, that will
be remembered, passed on, and communicated
to others. 4
Given these premises, the likely outcome
of your communication is that you
will be misunderstood, and therefore you
need to be very clear, deliberate, and
focused in your communication. Following
are strategies and tools to help you win
the empathy and communication battle to
reach your targets. These strategies deal with listening, empathy,
delivery, and other skills to use with your team or groups.
Read through the following strategies and think about how these
behaviors will help you or your direct reports become Star Performers.
Pick one or two to try out.
1. EMPATHY SKILLS
Empathy is one of the 20 EI competencies. It is presented here
as part of Communication because the skills to enhance empathy
are many of the same ones for improving communication. Empathy
is one of the building blocks for many of the other competencies
including Communication, Trustworthiness, Self-Awareness,
Building Bonds, Confl ict Resolution, Service Orientation, Leadership,
Change Catalyst, and Influence.