Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

130 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
When you were nine, these guidelines for good performance
were probably very effective. Because you were successful, you kept
using them. The problem occurs when:
• These guidelines become rules.
• Rules become calcified and are too rigid.
• Rules translate to everything, and you didn’t realize how you
abstracted them to cover all situations.
• You fail to update these rules to integrate your new learning
and resources.
It’s like you have an old version of software, let’s say AOL 2.0,
and are very happy knowing how everything works. It was once the
best program available. Now with AOL 10.0 or higher, your email
possibilities are far greater. The new version offers more services
and is faster and simpler to use. You may hold on to outdated rules
or programs without even realizing they are outdated. These unexamined
rules leave you feeling unsatisfied and often like a failure.
This little nine-year-old sits behind the steering wheel of your life,
barely able to see the road, clipping parked cars along the way. How
can you change and upgrade?
QUESTIONS AND ACTION APPLICATIONS
Write down the rules you live by as answers to the following:
“What must happen for me to really feel successful?”
Feel free to write as many rules as come to mind.
Here are some sample answers to get you started: “To really feel
successful . . . ”
• “I have to be the president of whatever I do.”
• “I have to be the smartest in the room.”
• “I must earn . . . ”
• “I have to have answers when people ask.”
• “I must have the best house, car, etc.”