Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

236 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
When I ask leaders, “How long do you wait before answering
questions from direct reports?” Often they laugh and say, “If I don’t
interrupt them, maybe I’ll wait three to five seconds.”
Often people are
not looking for
expert advice,
but instead want
validation or
acknowledgment
for what they are
already doing.
Then I ask, “How long do you think
this person thought about his or her issues
before coming to you for an answer?” They
usually respond, “Anywhere from one to
three days.”
So I say, “What are the chances, with
three to five seconds of thought, that you
are going to be right?” and “What is the
possible impact on the employee?” Obviously
the longer you understand the issue,
what the direct report’s take is on it, and
what he or she has already tried, the more
accurate you can be with your advice. When you race to advise, the
impact on the direct report can be negative, from feeling insulted,
devalued, or not heard.
The values of not jumping to advice, or Step Five, until the end
of this process are:
• The employee feels heard and understood.
• You will have more time to truly think.
• The employee can feel acknowledged and honored for the
problem-solving he or she has already completed.
• You have an opportunity to see how your direct report
thinks and problem-solves.
• Your employee can demonstrate his or her strengths to you.
• If placed at the end, your answer or advice has a better
chance of being helpful and accepted.
Step One: Hear the Problem or Issue Fully
• What happened?
• When did it happen?