Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

COMMUNICATION AND EMPATHY TOOLS AND STRATEGIES 273
“I’m working my tail off to get this project done. I’m sure you
don’t want me breathing down your neck to see how well you are
doing. We missed our last deadline, and I won’t let this happen
again. Mike here has put together a nice template for all of us to
follow.”
This is what her people hear
• “Does she think she is the only one here who is working
hard? Doesn’t she see what everyone else is doing?”
• “Yeah, breathing down my neck is just what I want from her.
Oh no.”
• “Does she think I blew the last deadline? I know she looked
right at me when she said that.”
• “Look at all the work I do, and Mike gets all the credit. She
doesn’t know I exist.”
• “She thinks I am the weak link here and that I don’t know
what I’m doing. She hasn’t talked to me in a month. I’m just
as good as Mike.”
Mary didn’t put much time into thinking about what she wanted
to say to the group. As a consequence, she easily gets misinterpreted
by what she didn’t say as much as by what she did say. Her
intention to motivate the group backfi red.
She would have been more successful if
she would have: 1) taken 3-4 minutes preparing
what to say and how to say it, 2)
initially asked them how they were doing
with the project, and 3) delivered what
she had prepared to say.
It is natural to have a gap between
what your intention is as the speaker and
what the interpretation of what you said
The listeners
assume that
you really
thought about
this and there
is something
specific you
are saying.